What is it like to live with borderline personality disorder?

Borderline personality disorder or BPD is one of the personality disorders that makes the daily life of those who have it and their family most difficult. It is a psychological disorder that is rare, since it is detected in approximately 2% of the population and is usually diagnosed from 20-25 years of age. However, BPD symptoms exist from the beginning of personality development, around the age of 12-13.

Although it is a rare disorder, it has been researched in depth due to the daily difficulties and problems that come with living with borderline personality disorder. As It is a disorder characterized by impulsivity, a great fear of abandonment and a lack of emotional regulation.we can understand that it is a problem that causes different inconveniences when it comes to leading a “normal” life.

For all this, In this article we want to illustrate what it is like to live with borderline personality disorder and what you can do when you have it.. The points developed in this article are based on different testimonies from people who have BPD and the advice is inspired by the manual of Dr. Marsha M. Linehan, a world expert on this disorder.

The problems of impulsivity

First of all, BPD has a high level of impulsivity that varies depending on the person’s mood and the situations they are experiencing. Living with borderline personality disorder means living with a very significant tendency to have impulsive behaviors that cause the person to make decisions and carry out behaviors that they later regret. In the words of a person with BPD: ““It’s like living with a balloon in your hands that can burst at any moment.”

Likewise, impulsivity in BPD is experienced in various aspects of the life of those who suffer from it, for example, at the level of interpersonal relationships, very hasty decisions can be made based on what they feel at that moment. On the other hand, at a work or professional level, living with borderline personality disorder can mean constantly changing jobs without knowing very well why you are not satisfied with any position. Furthermore, all of this entails constant instability that also harms emotional regulation.

In this sense, People with BPD must acquire cognitive and behavioral strategies and skills to manage impulsivity. Furthermore, it is essential in these cases that people who have BPD know how to use positive and flexible statements when evaluating everyday life situations and the experiences they have.

The insecurity caused by the fear of abandonment

Living with borderline personality disorder is often equal to “Not being able to enjoy relationships because you are always afraid that the person you love so much… will leave” as explained by a 37-year-old patient diagnosed with BPD since she was 19. Thus, we can understand that BPD is characterized by a significant fear of abandonment that makes the person focus so much on the relationship that they lose sight of the positive aspects of it, as a result of the anticipatory fear of possible abandonment.

On the other hand, The fear of abandonment does not need to be expressed verbally, that is, the person with BPD does not have to tell their partner, friend or family member. “I’m afraid that you will abandon me“. What usually happens is that the fear of abandonment is expressed above all, at the level of jealousy, seeking control of the other, not wanting to have individual activities or be alone. Therapy for BPD also helps manage fear of abandonment and eradicate jealous and controlling behaviors.

While it is true that people with BPD have had experiences of abandonment at a family or emotional level, the problem is that they cannot overcome these abandonments and generalize this experience to almost all areas of their personal life. Thus, With people who have BPD, the importance of healing past wounds is addressed in therapy and they work with different techniques to overcome this fear.

The roller coaster of emotions

BPD has, as one of its main symptoms and as one of the most characteristic, difficulty regulating one’s own emotions. In this sense, People with BPD face a number of emotions every day that are intense and often disproportionate to the situation they are experiencing. For this reason, “living with borderline personality disorder is living very intensely, for better and for worse.”

Furthermore, we have to understand that problems when it comes to regulating emotions originate in childhood, where the child sees his feelings invalidated and receives the message that what he feels is not important or correct. You do not acquire the ability to label emotions or know how to soften them and this means that in adult life having BPD is equal to “feeling a lot of emotions that you don’t understand and they happen all together at the same time.”

People with BPD experience the best and worst of the world of emotions because they have a hard time adjusting their emotional response. and they have a limited repertoire of emotions, all of which are very intense. This is one of the reasons why many sessions in BPD therapy are dedicated to emotional regulation skills. To do this, we work on labeling emotions and techniques to soften them, such as relaxation, paradoxical intention, distraction techniques and mindfulness.

Finally, It is important to note that living with borderline personality disorder requires a lot of patience and empathy with others.. Because as in all personality disorders, the environment of the sufferer shares the problems of the disorder and is affected.

If you have BPD remember that The people who are most fond of you may feel that they do not know what to do or how to help you in many cases. It is advisable to go to a specialized professional so they can guide you.

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