What is love for Positive Psychology?

“Love is like a game, in which two people can play and both can win” (Eva Gabor)

Hello friends!

In this lesson of our Free Positive Psychology Course, we will understand the concept of love, as a virtue, for this new approach to psychology.

definition of love

According to the Via Institute, love should be understood as follows:

“In its most developed form, love occurs reciprocally within a relationship with another person. It represents an other-oriented cognitive, behavioral, and emotional stance that takes three prototypical forms. Parent-child love, child-parent love, and romantic love. Thus, this strength includes romantic love and friendship, the love between parents and children, mentoring relationships, and the emotional bonds between team members, co-workers, etc. Love is signaled by the exchange of help, comfort and acceptance. It involves strong positive feelings, commitment, and even sacrifice.”

Typical phrases for a person who has the virtue of love developed:

“There is someone whose happiness is as important to me as my own.”

“There is someone I would do almost anything for.”

“There is someone I hate to be apart from for a long time.”

Within the division of the 24 main human virtues, love is included in Positive Psychology among the virtues of humanity, along with kindness and social intelligence. In summary, the virtues of humanity are virtues in which the personality manifests care in relationships with others.

According to Marting Seligman, in the book Character Strengths and Virtues, the concept of love for Positive Psychology excludes love that is not reciprocal, for example, the love of a fan for an artist or the passion in which the other does not correspond.

3 typical forms of love

1) Father/maternal love

“The first form is the love of individuals who are the first sources of affection, protection and care. We rely on them for our well being and they are there when we need them. Their love keeps us safe and we miss them dearly when we are separated from them” (SELIGMAN, p. 304).

2) filial love

“Another kind of love is love for individuals who depend on us for security. We comfort and protect them, give assistance and care, make sacrifices for their benefit, put our needs after theirs, and feel happy when they are happy” (SELIGMAN, p. 304).

3) romantic love

“The third form of love is that which involves passionate desire and sexual, physical, and emotional closeness to the individual we consider special and who makes us feel special” (SELIGMAN, p. 304).

So these are the three prototypes of love. If we think of the word prototype, for example, a prototype of a car, we will see that the idea of ​​a typical form that will be present – ​​almost the same or very similar – in the manufacture of all cars. So a car has 4 wheels and all cars have 4 wheels. A car can have 2 doors or 4 doors, maybe even 3 doors, but still its structure is very similar in all cases.

Closely, these 3 types of love exist as prototypes, as basic forms. We will actually find forms of manifestation that are, shall we say, based on these prototypes, although here and there the form may change a little.

For example, if we imagine a team or a team, we will see that among its members there can be a strong love of the first two types: one takes care of the other and is, at the same time, cared for. Perhaps at some point a romantic type of love may arise, but always remembering that for Positive Psychology, love always involves reciprocity.

Characteristics of Love

1) Realization

Love completes us, makes us feel complete, whole, fulfilled. The strength of love has always been sung by musicians and poets. Therefore, love is a force that impacts and, as human beings who seek to develop their positive qualities, there is a desire to love and be loved.

2) Morality

Morality here means that love is beneficial and always seeks to do good for the loved one. By the definition of Positive Psychology, it is impossible for love to be immoral or amoral, as the bond created between two people will be positive and, therefore, morally valid.

The idea is that anyone can love and be loved and, consequently, there is no point in criticizing the existence of love as something that goes beyond the limits of a given morality. Answering the question of Kant’s categorical imperative: “Can everyone love?”, the answer would certainly be yes.

3) Valuing the other

Or not diminution of the other. I mean, in love there is nothing that makes the other feel diminished, humiliated, down. Thus, there is an appreciation of the other and he or she feels accomplished in being loved.

4) Love as a character trait

According to Seligman, “the ability to love and be loved is a character trait, evident across time and situations. Indeed, secure attachment patterns established in childhood show up decades later in romantic relationships, as do insecure attachment patterns. The specific means in which such bonds are expressed by children, adolescents, adults differ, but nevertheless, there is continuity in processes and mechanisms, including the neurobiological level” (SELIGMAN, p. 294).

5) Distinctions with other virtues

Love cannot be fully decomposed or mixed with other virtues, such as kindness, social intelligence, hope, humor or vitality, although love can also appear next to these.

6) What about those who cannot love?

Seligman points out that we all know people who have difficulty or complete inability to love. If we look at the celebrity news, we will find people who have been married many times or if we look around, we will find people who cannot maintain a friendship (none).

Obviously, we cannot make a diagnosis or a superficial assessment, but, according to the DSM, there are types of personality, with mental illnesses, that can make it impossible to manifest this virtue: narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, personality disorder schizoid, among others.

Conclusion

It’s curious to think of love as a virtue or as a strength of character. But if we think, from the Positive Psychology definitions of love, on what love provides for those who love and for those who are loved, we will certainly see its qualities.

Questions, suggestions, comments, please write below!

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