What is a one-sided relationship and what are its psychological effects?

A unilateral relationship contradicts every principle of what is considered an emotional bond. It is the breakdown of reciprocity and the violation of that perfect balance that must make up the relational substrate. Without a joint commitment, without that spontaneous and authentic will of each one to take care of the daily details, with respect and affection, everything falls apart.

Now, the most complex thing about all this is that it took us a long time to realize it. Because that wear or That distance on the part of one of the members of the couple comes very little by little, camouflaged (apparently) by routine, the pressure of work and those external obligations that take away time at home and from the loved one… Until finally one becomes aware that there is no longer equity and even less presence.

Even though we have our partner next to us, we feel cold and emotional distance. This absence of affection and will is what shapes unilaterality, that scenario in which only one contributes, nourishes and strives to keep the bond afloat. These types of dynamics are often defined as unhealthy relationships. Let’s see why.

Unilateral couple relationship

We could define the unilateral couple in a very simple way: It is one in which only one member invests more energy, will and time. in the relationship. However, it is a much more complex reality because the causes that promote this situation can be multiple.

Sometimes, one begins a relationship in which this dynamic already appears from the beginning. and other times, it is something that appears gradually. Be that as it may, there is something evident: a unilateral relationship is not healthy, it constitutes a very harmful situation for those who suffer from it, for those who try to reverse it, to sustain it at all costs by fighting for it…

This explains why we consider them sick bonds, since the emotional and psychological overexertion that a single party generates in keeping that bond afloat is often devastating.

Let us therefore know how to know if we are currently going through one of these experiences.

It’s you who always ends up giving in

One of the great experts on emotional relationships and the most common dynamics between couples is Dr. John Gottman. His studies have lasted decades and his research in the so-called “laboratory of love” has helped hundreds of people save their relationships or turn the page.

One of his best-known books is undoubtedly The seven golden rules for living as a couple. In this work It always focuses on one fact: the need to reach agreements. If this does not happen and it is always one of the members who ends up giving in, who accepts and remains silent, who prioritizes the other to save the relationship, something inevitable will happen. The relationship will end up breaking up.

If the scale always falls to the same side and the same party wins, the other party will experience a slow emotional asphyxiation in which self-esteem, dignity and even health fade. These are very common situations in a unilateral relationship.

It is difficult for you to express your feelings and needs

One of the common characteristics of this type of bond is the feeling of emptiness. There is something that is always missing, it is like being thirsty and never feeling satisfied. You can have your partner by your side, talk to them, live with them every day and yet, there is something that is out of tune. It is possible that one person needs more than what the other offers, it is true, but in unilateral relationships there are more dynamics.

That something is an emotional block. It is trying to express our feelings, thoughts and needs to our partner and finding a wall.: “Now is not a good time to talk about that, it’s just that you are always with the same thing, I don’t know what you expect me to tell you…”. These are the most common reactions. However, when our partner needs our support or affection, we do not hesitate for a second to respond, to fulfill those needs instantly.

Your efforts are taken for granted (but don’t expect them from the other party)

If you have to pay for something and you do it, it is normal, what is expected of you. If a problem has to be solved, the same thing happens; like so many times. In this scenario that configures a unilateral relationship, there is a passive part and a proactive part that not only ends up making an effort to cope with anything, any daily task or challenge that lies ahead.

Furthermore, that party is expected not to protest or complain because that is ultimately what is expected and what has always been done. Let’s be clear: The moment these kinds of things are taken for granted and mutual actions are not recognized, the relationship becomes ill. If it is also assumed that one is always the one who takes charge of any task or unforeseen event, that bond is mortally wounded.

One-sided relationship: exhaustion, contradiction, red flags we don’t want to see

In these types of links there are many red flags that we do not always want to see.. And the reason this happens is simple: we end up investing so much effort, time and emotions that it is very difficult to give up. More opportunities continue to be given, love, dedication and patience continue to be combined while waiting for something to change.

But, obviously, nothing changes and the mental and physical exhaustion is immense. The person becomes devastated in almost every sense, psychologically and even economically in many cases. We cannot forget that there are unilateral relationships in which this bond is initiated only out of selfishness and interests.

Each couple is a world, there is no doubt, but There is a basic principle that should never fail: love is balance, reciprocity, knowing how to team up, caring and combining efforts, attention and hopes for that relationship. If this fails, everything falls apart. Let’s keep it in mind.

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