What I wish people understood about losing a child

What I would like people to understand about losing a child is that no one is prepared for it.. Hence, and first of all, I want to recommend something as essential as it is wonderful: we must enjoy every moment with our loved ones. Nothing in this life is certain, nothing is guaranteed, not even that children will survive their parents.

If there is one aspect that all people who have suffered the tragedy of losing a child highlight, it is the feeling of loneliness and incomprehension that they feel during the first moments. Many feel isolated because they think no one can understand their pain.

Losing a child is mainly having the feeling that our life plan and our own hope have escaped us. However, there will always come a day when we discover that life is still worth it, because it means continuing to maintain its memory.

First of all, it should be said that there are no strategies that can serve us all equally when it comes to facing grief over the loss of a child.

However, what we must be clear about is that we should never face it alone. The family nucleus must stay together and take care of itself, heal itself and learn to live with that emptiness, guiding the day to day life again. It is therefore worth taking into account these simple reflections that we want to share with you today.

I have to fight every day against the paralysis of my spirit, of my body

Losing a child means that overnight, the world stops. It is something against nature that our mind cannot assume. And we stayed still, without air, as if we had lost our soul…

The most recurring thought that parents will feel is the classic “nothing makes sense.” And vital, emotional and motivational paralysis can end up trapping them in chronic suffering.

This is something we should avoid. Our mind is unable to process what happened, and hence the denials, blockage and immobility. Nevertheless, The grieving process itself should help us manage all these emotions.

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We must avoid remaining isolated, because loneliness itself pushes us to that same paralysis. It is therefore vital to have the help of family, friends, and any health professional to manage ourselves.

I must learn to live with my sadness

To say that the death of a child is overcome is not true. Overcoming means conquering, and no one can or should overcome an absence, an emptiness that is rooted in our own essence as a person.

The death of a child is assumed, mourned and accepted. We learn to live with that emptiness, but we are aware that this sadness will always be felt in our hearts. And whether we believe it or not, There comes a day when the pain is no longer so heartbreaking., and we can breathe without it hurting, walking without our soul weighing down and breathing without our heart hurting. Because to live again is to honor the memory of those who are not here. It is understanding that we carry them with us, that remembering them is honoring themand that love transcends us even though sadness continues to dwell in us.

I should not neglect my partner

Losing a child means seeing how a couple’s life and family project has suddenly been orphaned. The void is immense and the links are no longer the same, but that does not mean we have to stop fighting for this project.

It is necessary to avoid blame and blame. In these situations even silence itself can be harmful and destructive.We must respect the way in which each person assumes grief. There are those who have greater strategies and are capable of opening up, others, on the other hand, need time “to be able to react”, and this is something that we must know how to understand.Intimacy, commitment and passion are three pillars that must continue to be present in the couple’s circle.. If we continue to feed them, the relationship will continue. If we only show emptiness, or blame certain things, it is most likely that distancing will end up arising.

Losing a child and not neglecting the others

Children accept death in a very different way than we do. AND we must not neglect their own processespecially if they are between 6 and 10 years old.

Death is something that no one understands, something that adults see with anger and children with bewilderment. Death does not always allow farewells, hence we must pay tribute with memory, with daily affection to the memory of that person.

It is recommended that children express their words, that we answer your doubts and encourage your emotional relief without hiding our regret either. The pain must take shape in order to be released and channeled.

We must return to having projects in our daily lives, allowing ourselves to smile again with the children, honoring the memory of those who are no longer here. We will learn to live without that son but he will never lose that privileged corner in our hearts. Life will be different after that loss, there is no doubt, but we must allow ourselves to be happy again. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it.