What are the reasons why a person never lets themselves be helped?

We have all met or bumped into those people at some point. to whom it is difficult to lend a hand, since they do not allow themselves to be helped. The most common thing is that they correspond to one of two cases. Or they are the kind of people who are willing to help everyone, but have a hard time getting help; or these are people who are in serious trouble and yet do not accept anyone’s help.

In both cases, the situation is very frustrating. for everyone else. Anyone who encounters people like this cannot explain why they do not allow themselves to be helped, even though they need it. The issue sometimes becomes irritating and could be interpreted as negligence or lack of will to solve the problems.

The truth is that this is almost never the case. The reasons why some people do not allow themselves to be helped are included in a problem background. Although they suffer and need others, it is very difficult for them to lean on someone. It may be due to some unconscious blockage or simply because they have difficulty recognizing that they need to change.

Those who help everyone, but don’t let themselves be helped

It is relatively common for those who help everyone to have problems asking for or accepting help from others. These are people who have built an identity in which it is valid to give, but not receive. They believe that their thing is to respond to the needs of others, while managing or ignoring their own.

In one way or another they do not allow themselves to be helped by others because they think that in this way they would be betraying their “mission” in life, being inconsistent with the image and person they want to build (a totally independent one). Also They may feel that accepting help from others means causing them inconvenience.. In other words, create a problem for them. This causes them shame.

Also There is the case of those who do not allow themselves to be helped because they assume that enjoying this help generates a debt that the other can collect whenever and however he wants. They do not understand that it can be a satisfaction for others to help them and that this does not generate obligations of compensation. That’s why sometimes it’s necessary to let them see it, with affection.

Need help, but not accept it

The other case occurs with those people who do not allow themselves to be helped, even though they are going through very difficult situations. It can be seen a mile away that they need from others, but if someone tries to help them get out of their problem, they are rejected. The most typical example is that of someone who suffers from an addiction. The usual thing is that they refuse, sometimes angrily, to accept that another gives them a hand to get out of the situation in which they find themselves.

In these cases, the usual thing is that the person does not even admit that they have a problem. Thus, much less is he going to let them help her. Part of its problem consists precisely in its denial. It happens with addicts, but also with people who are mired in depression, anxiety or any other disorder and have no awareness of it or have a distorted awareness.

Strange as it may seem, In these cases, the symptom itself is an adaptive response that the person has built to cope with his or her life.. It is “adaptive” in the sense that it allows you to interpret reality in a way that makes it possible to move forward. For example, someone who is depressed constructs the fantasy that he is sad because he is more sensitive than other people and not as a result of an illness. However, this fantasy allows him to explain her life and continue with it, even at the cost of much suffering.

What to do with those who do not allow themselves to be helped?

In the first case, that of those who help everyone, but do not allow themselves to be helped, the most advisable thing is to help clarify the situation. Let them see, with affection, that the interest in helping them comes from genuine appreciation. And that being able to lend a hand is a source of satisfaction, not sacrifice or great effort.

In the second case, that is, those who do not allow themselves to be helped even if they need it, the situation is a little more complex. What is required there is more patience and tact. Be there, be interested in that person and try to accept them as they are. It turns out to be an excellent key for the other to open the doors for us and let us participate. The most important thing is not to give in to the temptation to constantly pressure them to change. Sometimes concern for that person takes that form and then our intervention, loaded with all the good intentions in the world, ends up harming the other.

You have to respect the rhythms of each person. Most of the time they need time to understand that they need help. In the most serious cases, it is advisable to consult with a professional to know how to help and do it efficiently.

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