What are the ingredients to have a healthy relationship?

We know that “they lived happily ever after” does not exist, that Prince Charming is only in stories and that “happily ever after” is a utopia, but still We accumulate relationships without knowing what a healthy relationship is.

We suffer for love, we cancel each other for love, We humiliate ourselves for our partner, we cry over a breakup and we do anything for people who don’t deserve it. Perhaps we have a deep fear of being alone, of looking ourselves face to face and discovering who we really are.

We have had so many relationships and they have hurt us so much that we are not able to differentiate a healthy relationship.we are simply afraid of loneliness and we settle for people who do not treat us well or love us.

Learn to differentiate an unhealthy relationship

The psychologist Walter Riso in his book In love or enslaved It helps us differentiate those harmful relationships that harm us and do not bring us anything good. Riso differentiates the following types of unhealthy relationships:

obsessive love

As Riso explains: “Obsession implies that love becomes insatiable in the relationship. One of the members of the couple is never satisfied with their relationship, he cannot do anything without his partner and demonstrates great dependence.

A person who suffers from a relationship like this feels forced to give what they don’t want, becomes stressed and in some cases feels harassed. An obsessive couple has no limits, It leaves us no room for our freedom and our individuality.

Fused love

These are couples in which each person has lost their identity., has lost his self-esteem. Lovers of this type, Riso maintains, end up adopting the same gestures, jokes and ways of dressing as their partner. Sometimes, fused love even manifests a certain possession towards the other person.

But love means much more and, above all, it means maintaining our individuality., let the other person be as they are, love them for it and be ourselves, with our defects and virtues. It’s a question of acceptance.

fearful love

We all fear that a relationship will break up or that things will go wrong with a person we like, but we cannot forget that loving another person is always a risk. Fear of loss denotes an insecure personwho is afraid of failure and abandonment.

But this fear unfolds into many others: fear that our partner will disappoint us, that there will be infidelity, that they will abandon us, that love will end for no apparent reason. Riso recommends being aware that in love there are no certainties, that we have to accept uncertainty.

oppressive love

In love it is obligatory to respect the freedom of the other personThat is, he has his own friends, activities, preferences, tastes and opinions. A love that does not respect all these aspects is oppressive and prevents us from being ourselves.

Each member of the couple must respect the personality, principles, values ​​and goals of the other person, even if they are different. It is important to learn and accept those differences so that the couple is healthy and there is mutual trust.

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Keys to a healthy relationship

Marc and Angel Chernoff have spent a lot of time helping their clients build healthy relationships. and lasting and have managed to provide some answers to a question that we all ask ourselves: What does it take to create and nourish a healthy relationship?

For it They have created a list of what you should not do to have a healthy relationship. We present some of his ideas to you.

Don’t expect your relationship to solve your problems

If you are afraid of being alone, a relationship is not the solution, First you will have to see where it comes from and what the fear of loneliness is due to and once you have resolved and overcome it, you will be able to relate in a healthy way with another person.

You cannot forget that your voids, your fears, your boredom are problems that only concern you and that will persist in a relationship if you do not resolve them first. Therefore, Face yourself and assess your problems before starting a relationship.

Don’t hit yourself

When we start a relationship it is normal that we want to spend a lot of time together, but little by little we must leave space for our partner and have our own space. We cannot forget that we have our life and that Respecting time for ourselves is essential for the relationship to be healthy.
Happy couples know how to value time alonethey enjoy their independence to do things differently and, at the end of the day, they share all their experiences with each other as a way to enrich themselves.

Don’t keep secrets

Trust is the essential foundation of any healthy relationship. If trust is lost, it is very difficult to regain it. For this reason, it is important that our partner does not feel like a stranger in our lives.

There will be times when we want to be alones, in which we need space to deal with our problems and a healthy partner is going to give it to us, but if we want that space, it is good that we make an effort of sincerity and talk to them about the reasons that lead us to take that break.

Sometimes we hear phrases like “I didn’t tell him, but I didn’t lie to him either,” which is an absolute contradiction, because omissions are lies. If you lie or omit the truth, it will come to light sooner or later.

Don’t let fear dominate you

You never lose by loving, you lose by holding back. No healthy relationship, where there is shared love, is impossible unless you refuse to give it a chance. Loving another person means giving them the opportunity to hurt you, but also to make you happy.

We cannot go through life afraid of relationships, it is important that we learn to trust, even if we have been hurt before. The important thing is not to make the same mistakes. and learn every day.

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