Fear of losing loved ones: when does it become harmful behavior?

The fear of losing loved ones is a mixture of rational and irrational fear. This fear is replicated because it has a very specific function for our survival. But who has not been paralyzed on more than one occasion by the power of fear? And among all the possible fears, one of the most difficult to cope with It is precisely what generates us when we think that someone we love could disappear from our lives on a journey of no return.

Physiologically, experiencing fear activates certain parts of our body and deactivates others so that we can focus all our attention on the danger that threatens uswhich in this case is the phobia of losing loved ones.

Fear therefore modifies the organism by virtue of this defensive function and prepares it to endure significant wear and tear – for our body, we are facing a threat to our integrity. So, Some of these changes can be harmful to the body if it becomes chronic or repetitive..

Characteristics of fear of loss

The fear of losing loved ones takes root in the fear of being deprived of the affection that binds one to those loved ones and implies a need for effort to protect them from any threat that endangers their life or the existing relationship. This type of emotion can become unbearable, oppressive, anxious… It can, in short, generate its own and clearly phobic symptoms.
As a rule, anxiety about the death of a loved one encompasses a host of anticipatory thoughts. about something that is statistically possible, but not real at the present moment. These thoughts often take the form of existential questions, such as “What will my life be like without your presence?“, which are presented to us intrusively and repetitively.

The effects of fear of losing loved ones

Our thoughts generate emotions and fear is one of the most powerful. Specificis a type of emotion that activate our limbic system with the purpose of focusing attention on a threat, which in this case is that of losing our loved ones.

In turn, the frontal lobes – which are responsible for changing our attention consciously and voluntarily – see their functionality reduced in this situation of fear and our physiological system immediately prepares us to attack or flee.

In some cases, this physiological reaction that accompanies the emotion of fear is so intense and sudden that one can faint or enter a state of stupor without the ability to make any type of movement.

Therefore, The fear of losing a loved one is totally counterproductive in the relationship maintained with said beingsince its effect is far from allowing us to generate the appropriate thoughts and behaviors to love, value and appreciate more the person who is so important to us.

The losses

Any loss involves a grieving process that by definition is different for each person. A loved one can die, but we can also lose them for other reasons, such as a relationship breakup. In grief, the bottom line remains the same: loss.

People do not belong to us and therefore we can never be sure how long the relationship with that loved one will last; This idea is painful and hurtful for many people, and forces them to live in a perpetual state of fear.

To manage these thoughts well, The key is to enjoy as much as we can with the person we love, living in the present moment, but without forgetting that the capacity to love and be loved is human; therefore, imperfect and limited.

In almost any loss situation, The challenge for improvement lies in learning to let go.. This is very clearly exemplified in moments such as those in which a person stops loving his or her partner or when a member suffers from a very complicated and painful illness with no possibility of cure.

Grief is always painful, and we cannot expect it to be presented to us kindly. In exchange, by advancing in it, we will gain the possibility of truly open ourselves to the possibility of loving and trusting; once again, as many times as necessary.

Jealousy and fear of losing your partner

Jealousy speaks of a feeling that arises as a reaction to the fear of losing love in competition with a third party, real or imaginary, who is not part of the couple. All people feel jealousy, in one way or another, and with greater or lesser intensity; Yes, the way we handle them will help us or harm us.

The emotion of fear is a psychophysiological process and, as such, it is based on brain responses to stimuli; These responses are automatically triggered actions that have been learned throughout life.

However, Feelings such as jealousy usually appear after a conscious evaluation we make of our internal state during an emotional response.. Thus, in them there is usually an “important rational” and voluntary component that can be worked on.

Let’s think that attempts to reduce the pathological fear of losing a partner end up feeding back said fear and In some cases the logical result is what was most feared: the final loss of the loved one..

When this harmful emotion invades us, It obfuscates the capacity for empathy and can trigger panic that will make us act impulsively, something that we will later have time to regret if, on the relationship, the consequences are negative.

Relationship between fear and love

The fear of losing loved ones is not, although it may sometimes seem like it, a sign of love. The fear of losing the bond with the loved one is an innate and inevitable response; is to a certain extent coherent and, therefore, what remains is try to live that emotion intelligently.

Reflecting on the fear of losing loved ones invites us to connect with life, with the present moment. -that we share with those we love-, with family, friends, colleagues, etc.

Sometimes, certain emotions, feelings and thoughts, like those that accompany this fear, do not allow us to enjoy our relationships; They prevent us from performing such human acts as loving, sharing, and valuing the good things we have. That is why its management is so important.

Let’s enjoy every moment with the people we love, let’s make those memories that later, when remembered, leave a smile on our lips. Those that would title a chapter of our life despite one extending more than an hour, an afternoon, a minute, a second or an instant.

Perhaps becoming aware of the importance of enjoying them is the key to finding air where it is difficult to breathe.: when the fear of loss, in the form of a shadow, leaves us without light.

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