What are the differences between attraction, infatuation and love?

Love is one of the most studied topics in psychology. It has a thousand ways of manifesting itself and can be applied even to inanimate beings or abstract ideas. However, when it comes to love between people, the differences between attraction, infatuation and love can be very relevant when it comes to setting up a healthy relationship.

In this article you will find a basic conceptualization of each of them; a summary of the research that has been done on the topic. In addition, you will be able to read the effects they have on the mind so that you can differentiate them.

interpersonal attraction

Attraction is the most superficial feeling, but not in the pejorative sense of the word: it is usually the first to appear and contains less deep feelings than the other two. It is usually defined as the positive and reciprocal attitude between two people.

What causes people to be attracted to each other? Researchers have defined a few factors:

That both people are relatively close in terms of context or location.The physical attractiveness: obviously, it is not decisive in creating attraction, but it is one of the most deeply rooted factors in the brain. The possession of socially desirable characteristicssuch as good humor, friendliness, kindness and all those that are liked by the person who is attracted.The similarity, real or perceived, between both people: It can be in terms of ideals, tastes, opinions, etc.The mere exhibition: what is popularly known as “touch makes love”.Reciprocity: Feeling attracted to the person we attract is very common. Reciprocal reinforcement of approach behaviors also plays a key role in this.That the cost/reward balance be favorable.That interpersonal demands are balanced: If one member of the equation asks the other for more than the other, it usually does not compensate.

As you can see, these factors are enough to create an attraction between people. Now, to delve deeper into the differences with the other concepts, we continue with falling in love.

The act of falling in love

Falling in love is the phase popularly called “the honeymoon”, in which The feelings of attraction are magnified and become almost the center of the person’s thoughts. It could be considered a syndrome – according to some authors – that has the following symptoms:

Grandiloquence: It is a very intense emotional state that is given a lot of importance.Intense desire for intimacy and union with the other, physically and/or emotionally.Desire for reciprocity, which is sometimes accompanied by the fear of not being reciprocated or the euphoria of confirming reciprocity.Selective attention focused on the other.Frequent and intrusive thoughts about the other, so much so that they sometimes interfere with the performance of daily tasks.Strong physiological activation in the presence of the other, real or imagined: cardiac acceleration, sweating, excitement, among others.Hypersensitivity to the desires and needs of others.Psychological vulnerability: In this state, people are more impressionable and their mood depends to a greater extent on how they deal with others.Idealization of the loved person: This person’s vision is biased toward the positive.

Perhaps these “symptoms” are more like what we commonly know as love. However, there are still differences between this concept and the one you will read below.

Romantic love and companionate love, and the differences between them

What researchers call “love” It is a longer and more heterogeneous process thanks to the unique configuration of each relationship.. The main ingredients of romantic love would be the following:

Privacy: special emotional union in terms of communication, understanding, support and so on.erotic passion: physical desires and needs such as sexual desire.romantic passion: desires and needs related to the social romantic ideal.Commitment: decision to maintain the relationship despite the difficulties that may arise.

As you see, this is a much more stable affection, projected over time and in the lives of those who make up the relationship. However, experts say there is one more step: love companion. In this stage, the most intense aspects of romantic love, such as erotic passion, gradually become more muted, while others – such as intimacy and commitment – are consolidated.

Final notes: differences between attraction, infatuation and love

The current times, as far as relationships are concerned, have the quality of normalizing associative or relational heterogeneity. Thus, All the qualities that you have read for these three types of relationships are not necessary or exclusive, not even those that refer to the number of people in the relationship. This is great luck, as it opens the doors of the mind and allows us to get closer and closer to discovering what love is.

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