What are emotionally unavailable people like?

Emotional ignorance is a major obstacle to relationships. The inability to connect with feelings, both your own and those of others, is a great impediment to creating solid, healthy and lasting bonds. And above all, to connect with yourself. In fact, this difficulty is the great challenge of emotionally inaccessible people, those who build walls around their hearts to avoid feeling vulnerable and who sometimes flee when emotions come to the fore.

They are profiles characterized by a clear immaturity on an emotional level, where even love can become a great threat. This does not mean that they do not have relationships, but that they generally tend to abandon them or simply shut down when emotions arise. It is as if they always wander around with a shell on their backs to take refuge in whenever they need it, especially when the situation requires a minimum of emotional contact.

Emotionally unavailable people are experts at creating distance, build walls and raise walls to avoid intimate contact with others, most of the time unconsciously. That’s why it’s so difficult to get out of that kind of emotional ostracism.

What are emotionally unavailable people like?

Emotionally unavailable people are like anyone else, apparently. They have their tastes, their passions, their jobs, their personal history, their defects and, of course, their virtues. However, They lack the ability to identify and manage emotions. They have probably never asked themselves how they are or stopped to listen to their discomfort.

They are people with an aura of emotional coldness who, in addition, at the slightest symptom of suffering, need an escape. They are escapers from discomfort with a PhD in self-deception. And the same thing happens if the emotion that invades them is too positive. Perhaps they can enjoy it more, but this does not mean that it does not cause them great fear, especially if it is linked to others.

By putting a great deal of emotional distance in your relationships, They usually seem like cold people with little interest in what is happening around them. In fact, it is difficult for them to establish emotional bonds to avoid feeling vulnerable. Thus, emotional coldness is your defense mechanismthe way they have learned to protect themselves from the wounds of the past.

Dealing with these types of people can be very frustrating and complicated., especially if it is a relationship, since the need to connect on an emotional level will be almost impossible. Even being unable to identify the emotional state of the other person, when confronted with their pain, tears or recriminations, they may feel upset, overwhelmed and with a strong need to escape.

As we said, emotional inaccessibility tends to be unconscious. However, these types of people expend a large amount of psychological energy to avoid confronting their emotions. For this reason, only when they begin to be aware of what is happening to them will they be able to do something about it. The problem is that by having their defense mechanisms so automated, they can fight until the end to not make aware of what they consider to be their vulnerability.

What can emotionally unavailable people do to end that dynamic?

Is it possible then to shed light on this strong emotional blockage? The answer is yes, but adding that it is not easy. It all depends on the person’s acceptance of the difficulty and the degree of change they want to achieve.

Therefore, the first step is to realize it. Thus, as you become aware of yourself and allow yourself to experience everything that the emotional world entails, you will be able to move forward. In this way, pain and fear, both your own and that of others, will begin to become visible: little by little, from honesty and with great effort.

Once the first contacts have been established on an emotional level and having learned how to identify emotions, the next step will be to train the ability to choose how to react to different situations, thus discarding automation. This is one of the most powerful tools for emotionally unavailable people.

On the other hand, it is also important to mention that People around emotionally unavailable people also need to take care of themselves. and practice understanding, if you wish to remain by his side. And also, work on themselves to see how to act on it and above all, to understand the reasons that lead them to continue, according to doctor in psychology Gabriella Kortsch.

Furthermore, another fundamental aspect is to understand that in these types of situations it is not about blaming the partner. Even for Gabriella Korstsh The person who establishes a bond with someone who is emotionally unavailable has unresolved conflicts that needs to be resolved and that specific couple brings those issues to the surface. Likewise, both relate in the best way they have learned up to that point.

We cannot even forget that sometimes the solution is also found in ending the relationship, since We cannot force the other to change and demand that they be who they are not. Because if a person is not willing to be emotionally there for another and that other needs it, there is no choice but to end it to avoid prolonging a relationship that is becoming increasingly unsustainable.

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