Triangulation in systemic therapy

As social beings that we are, Our interpersonal relationships have an important weight in our well-being. However, we do not always take care of them, so, without realizing it, we fall into harmful relationship dynamics. Today we will talk about one of the most common: triangulation.

This is framed within the explanatory proposals of systemic therapy. It is a therapeutic discipline that places the focus of attention, not on the subject, but on the systems of which it is a part.. Thus, disorders and diseases are approached as the result of an alteration in the interactions of the members of the system.

An inadequate relational style has consequences that often end up manifesting in the symptoms of one of its members.. The solution will then be to unmask the dysfunctional communication pattern for which the disease serves as a mask.

Although this therapy is mainly used in family conflicts, its principles are useful for any other type of human system.

Triangulation in systemic therapy

Triangulation is one of these dysfunctional dynamics that is frequently generated in many systems. It occurs when two of the members are in conflict, either overtly or covertly.

However, Instead of facing and solving their difficulties, they include a third party in the relationship in order to overshadow their problems or divert attention from them.

This is clearly seen within families, in which The parents are in conflict and introduce the child into the equation for various purposes:

Trying to establish an alliance with the child against the other parent. When this happens, the child faces a strong conflict of loyalties, and may become immobilized for fear of rejection by the non-allied parent.Mask your conflicts by focusing all your attention on your child’s problematic behavior.. In this situation, both parents form a front against a child labeled as “bad,” who is considered the source of all problems. After this illusory harmony, the reality is that the child’s bad behavior is only there to serve as an escape valve for marital problems.Diverting attention from their difficulties due to the need to focus on a “sick” child. They both unite in concern for his offspring, going so far as to overprotect him. For his part, the child will only be exercising a psychosomatic expression of the existing (and now hidden) tension between the parents.

Triangles in everyday life

However, not every existence of a triangle is a sign of a sick or pathological system. Social relationships are complex and changing. Triangulation frequently appears at certain moments in which it fulfills the mission of alleviating tension.. However, if this continues over time or is repeated, becoming a pattern, it can deteriorate relationships, affecting the entire system.

For example, a friend is angry with another for not having invited him to a dinner. Instead of communicating his discontent to the other person involved, he decides to introduce a third friend with whom he tries to establish an alliance.. Thus, he tells her how hurt he is and how unfair it is, but asks her not to comment anything to the first person.

This way An invisible alliance is formed that, far from solving the conflict, perpetuates and aggravates it.. In addition to placing the third party in disagreement in an uncomfortable position, since they will generally try to mediate, but without explaining that it is the other who has told them the situation. Ultimately, an unhealthy and covert relationship pattern will be generated that will only divert attention from the original conflict.

Therefore, whether we have children or when interacting with other adults in our systems, let us avoid triangulation. Let us have the assertiveness and humility to resolve situations directly with those involved, without introducing a third party. directly or indirectly. Likewise, if someone tries to include us in their own triangle, let’s stay out of it. Generating hidden alliances or focusing attention on a third party to avoid conflict does not resolve situations.

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