To what extent can we change our personality?

How many times do we hear someone explain that they cannot change because “that’s the way it is”? How many times have you felt like you can’t act differently because there are like certain inclinations within you? In all of these cases, we are talking about your personality: the set of traits that define us and make us unique. But… to what extent can we change our personality?
Personality is not something completely defined by our genes, and thanks to this we can intervene and achieve changes. In fact, if you do a little exercise yourself and look back, you will realize that you retain parts of your personality and others you don’t. Perhaps now you are kinder or more surly, more orderly or more anarchic, more melancholic or more spirited, etc.

For this reason, and since it is such an important concept in psychology, in this article we will talk about what personality is and how we can consciously influence the changes that occur in it.

What is personality?

There are several definitions of personality, too many in fact. However, most agree that Personality is a psychological construct that refers to the “group of traits (psychic characteristics) that an individual has and that determine their tendencies of behavior, thought and emotion“.
Within all the personality traits that exist, we can find two types: temperament traits and character traits. While temperament traits are behavioral tendencies that have a greater genetic and biological load (we are born with these characteristics), the definition or concretion of character traits would rather be the result of the interaction between the person and the environment.

In summary, Within the group of temperament traits we find some that are basic and universal such as Sensation Seeking, Risk Avoidance, Impulsiveness, Activity and Persistence. And on the other hand, in the group of character traits are Self-Direction (confidence and ability to direct behavior towards valuable goals for oneself), Cooperation, and Transcendence (taste for the aesthetic and spiritual).

All these traits, both temperament and character, shape personality and differentiate us from others. In other words, All people have these traits and we differentiate ourselves based on how marked we have one trait or another. In psychology, technically, we do not say that someone does not have impulsivity or that they do have persistence. Rather, we say that someone has very low impulsivity or very high persistence, because traits are gradual concepts.

Can we change our personality?

The response is very clear: Yes, we can change our personality and also influence the direction and degree to which we want the transformation to occur. . Although part of the personality is inherited, it is not a definitive genetic configuration, as is the case with some syndromes (for example: Fragile X or Down Syndrome). And since personality is one of the filters we use to relate to the world, and the world is a changing environment, it is a system that has the capacity for change.

Character traits are easier to change: the genetic influence on them is less and they have developed (mainly) by interacting with the environment. When therapy seeks to change traits that are temperamental, such as impulsivity, the person usually experiences greater resistance to change. However, with perseverance and dedication, in many cases positive results are achieved.

Even if you are an older person, changing your personality is possible. What usually happens is that The older the person, the more resistance to change there usually is: What we are looking for is to change the way we are, the way we identify and recognize ourselves. The same one that has been “cooked” over low heat for years.

For this reason, Many times the person avoids changing some traits of their personality, and makes excuses based on their age or that “they are like that and have been that way all their lives.” But these are excuses! Changing your personality is possible, regardless of your age, and the limits of these changes are set by the person involved. That said, now the big question is: how can we change our personality?

How can we change our personality?

In order to observe changes in personality, deep and constant psychological work is necessary. First of all, it is essential that the person really wants to change. And secondly, small daily changes have to be established in the short term.

The changes that are lasting and positive are those that are cooked “over low heat.” If you are considering changing your personality overnight because your way of being brings you problems, I am sorry to tell you that your mission has already failed, solely because of the approach. You are going to “hit your face” against a wall and on the other hand, if you achieve some change (sometimes miracles happen), it is most likely that you will return to the position you were in in a short time.

Remember: you need time for your psychological system to restructure and learn to function differently. You have to identify what traits you want to change and what daily behaviors those traits are reflected in. I recommend that you make a list of everything you want to change and get to work with those transformations that are less central to you or that you think will cost you less. Typically, one is associated with the other.

To change our personality it is also necessary that we be able to propose an objective evaluation of said change. That is to say, In addition to identifying the traits that you want to change, it is good that we take some references to “measure” that change. . For example, if the trait to change is impulsiveness, you have to know how to realize that you are less impulsive. And a possible “measure” of this is that when you get angry you are able to count to 10 before responding.

If we have personality traits that we do not like or that cause us problems, it would be advisable for us to consult a psychologist.. Furthermore, if this article leaves you with doubts, it will be the psychologist who, taking into account our personal characteristics, can explain to us better than anyone how to change our personality.