To overcome my fear of the dark and loneliness, I locked myself in the bathroom for 3 days.

A little over 6 months ago, I decided to fight my fears. And I had many: fear of heights was overcome by practicing bungee-jump. The fear of driving a car is also in the past. And now the time has come to face the following enemies: darkness and loneliness.

As part of the struggle, I closed myself in the bathroom without light for a few days and now I want to share my experience with the readers of awesome.club.

Perhaps you ask: “But how would that help?”. Know your enemy and you will win! I have convinced myself several times that only by facing fear face to face is it possible to understand how to avoid its negative impact. So I planned to shut myself down for 72 hours without any light or communication to put an end to these problems.

From the beginning, I made the decision to carry out my experiment in a room at home. The choice may seem strange, but other options would require the help of friends. However, my idea did not seem good to them.

decided to use one recorder voice recorder to record my “adventures”. I didn’t want to use the phone, because it would affect the atmosphere of complete darkness. I then found the device pictured below. It had a small light, but it didn’t illuminate anything around it. And it didn’t take me long to learn how to deal with him in the dark.

I wanted the menu to be sparse to make the adventure even more difficult. So my whole diet consisted of a bowl of cereal and 2 liters of water. Meal times: 2 times a day, at 10am and 6pm.

It is worth remembering that I do sports, and therefore eating 2 times a day for me was a rather frightening prospect, as well as drinking such an amount of water. But there were also positives: the clearly marked meal times gave me at least some kind of reference point in time.

And here is the dish. Looks appetizing, doesn’t it?

The hardest issue was my assistant, the person who would need to feed me and stay in the apartment for any emergencies. The assistant’s conditions were also quite limiting: living a few days in silent mode and going to the bathroom in a nearby coffee shop. But at last the valiant “support” was found, and, in my story, it received the nickname of Guardian.

Even before the start of the experiment, I began to miss the sun and communication with people. The day before, I was walking around the city, talking to my family. I didn’t come home from morning till evening.

The start of the experiment was scheduled for 7 am.

I entered my “cave”. I immediately tried to sleep, but with my height of almost 2 meters it was difficult being in a small bathtub. After a while, I ended up falling asleep. Sleep was restless and fitful. Several times I dreamed that I refused to participate in the experiment before starting. I decided to meditate. The constant flushing noise turned into a waterfall, and the cold bathroom took on a cave-like atmosphere. Slept. Sleep turned out to be stronger than my state of mind. The brain experiences hunger for information and pulls out of its hiding places everything it needs: old songs, thoughts about long-forgotten people, tongue twisters. I decided to work on the memory palace when I got out. My ear became very sensitive, and I began to feel the house as a living organism. The noises of the gates, the washing machine, the conversations of the neighbors. It is unlikely that Buddhist temples are so noisy. I remembered that I used to keep the curtains closed in the apartment. It was a big mistake. Nothing can be compared to natural light. As soon as he left, he would draw the curtains. The guardian came, so I deduced that it was 6 pm. There was a knock on the door, I covered myself so my eyes wouldn’t see the light. I replaced the plates with food, but I ate nothing anyway. I didn’t feel like eating. If you’re trying to slim down, take note of this (just kidding!). I had the first panic attack and really wanted to leave. I decided it was time to eat, despite my constant lack of appetite. The food, even without salt, managed to solve the problem. I ended up sleeping again.

Tiredness reached its zenith. I even looked for good reasons to get up a little. However, I preferred to lie on my back. A knock on the door: 10 am. He couldn’t bear to remain inactive any longer. Now I know that there are 186 tiles in my bathroom, I counted them all by feel. And I can assume that I counted how many seconds there are in 30 minutes. Rocky’s music started playing in my head. I decided to do some crunches with twisting. I got tired after doing 10 repetitions. I stayed asleep, justifying that Rocky had better conditions for his training… And here are the first strange visions. Once, opening my eyes, I saw something like waves on water, and then drops falling. And bright spotlights. Suddenly I felt afraid. The idea arose that if the guardian left and I slept, I wouldn’t even notice if something unexpected happened. For example, a fire. I tried to convince myself that the keeper is a responsible person and that I would smell the smoke, but the panic didn’t go away. I really wanted to leave. Connect with people, work, feel alive and, above all, sleep well. And open the damn curtains. All this seemed unattainable and therefore truly valuable. I was sleepless for a while. I thought how strange it is for any bathroom to turn into a small world. Boring, even uncomfortable. But, in any case, new. I thought the guardian was late. I was very upset. But, of course, I also understand that time is relative and could be deceiving me. Finally, I heard the knock of salvation at the door. I even ate with joy, even if a little. I dreamed that I was buried alive. I listened to the terribly natural sound of earth falling on the lid of the coffin. I woke up panting. It was truly terrifying. And the fact that I opened my eyes and still saw only darkness depressed me even more.

I had just slept, at night, when I was tormented by nightmares. He had slept extremely uncomfortably. I was affected for a long time in the same position. In addition, he had a headache, thirst, and persistent itchy eyes. But above all, I had the desire to see at least one person and do something useful. Everything else could be supported.

When at 10 am the guardian knocked on the door, I jumped up and, without hesitation, left the bathroom, which surprised the guardian, but also myself. At that very moment, I went blind and started shaking. When I got used to the light, I had to strain my eyes to see anything, otherwise I couldn’t see anything. I spent 51 hours in the bathroom.

I expected more significant changes in the face, but apart from the tired look, I found nothing.

As soon as I regained my senses, I opened all the curtains and windows, took a shower, called some colleagues and, despite being terribly tired, I didn’t go home that day. I can assure you that I haven’t felt so much pleasure in simple walks in a long time.

The experiment allowed me to revise and add to my value system.

The source of desire to work strengthened even more; Now I take a mandatory walk and call my family members daily. I decided that it is necessary to go out with people more often, while the surrounding darkness does not definitely arrive; I open my apartment windows more often and keep the curtains open.

Despite the obvious psychological and physical discomforts of the experiment, just not having access to light and losing communication with people, I could see their true value. As for the fears, I disconnected from them. I am no longer afraid of the dark or loneliness. These are inevitable phenomena in every person’s life, and I had to face them. But as long as I can choose, there will be enough light and personal communication in my life.

here the awesome.club tells only the story of this boy. We don’t encourage you to try something like this at home.

And you, how do you fight to face your fears? Have you considered taking a radical measure like the one just shown? Comment!