There are times when loneliness is the price of freedom

It is often said that it is better alone than in bad company and that a dignified solitude is better than trying to keep a NO love at our side. With “NO love”, we refer to those couples that only feed on dissatisfaction and in which negative feelings reign that take over the emotional freedom of their members.

It is common for us to fall into these bad relationships at some point in our lives. From the earliest childhood We learn that the ideal couple has to be that of “I can not live without you”“without you my life would have no meaning”, “if you miss me I will die”, etc.

If we analyze these phrases we realize that they unleash an escalation of pressures and demands on the other person and on the relationship itself that can subjugate us and undermine our inner self.

Therefore, when we come to face an unhealthy relationship, we have to relearn something that we should be very clear about: The only person we need to live is ourselves. No more, no less, this is quite simple. There is no love without self-love.

The love of your life is yourself. When are you going to understand it?

Love does not beg, love does not beg, love does not implore, love does not cry excessively.

Love is a healthy condition, love is a positive condition, love is a skill. Love is an ambition of many but a privilege of few.

The fear of being alone ties us to bad relationships

In principle, The fear of being alone in life is something adaptive, positive and healthy. However, as in everything, there are certain limits that should not be exceeded. Specifically, submitting to pain and enduring all kinds of suffering to avoid separation.

Many people feel great despair at the idea of feeling alone in the world.dysfunctional relationships

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There is a text by Maria Teresa of Calcutta that talks about this, and it is truly overwhelming.

“There are people who have a partner but feel as alone and empty as if they didn’t have one.
There are others who, because they can’t wait, decide to walk next to the wrong person and in their selfishness, they don’t allow that someone to walk away even knowing that it doesn’t make them happy.

There are people who maintain already destroyed marriages or courtships, simply because they think that being alone is difficult and unacceptable. There are people who decide to take second place trying to reach first, but that journey is hard, uncomfortable and fills us with pain and abandonment.

But there are other people who are alone and live and shine and give themselves to life in the best way. People who don’t turn off, on the contrary, turn on more and more every day. People who learn to enjoy solitude because it helps them get closer to themselves, grow and strengthen their interior.

“Those people are the ones who one day, without knowing the exact moment or why, find themselves next to the one who loves them with true love and fall in love in a wonderful way.”

It is the society that teaches us to hate loneliness

It is common to see 2 for 1 offers on dinners, cruises or cocktails. Hence It is not surprising that we have the preconceived idea that we should have company to be a complete person and enjoy life.

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So there are few people who do not expect others to erase the feeling of loneliness from their emotional mind. We tend to feel unable to take care of ourselves, so The most direct consequence of that thought is the need to look for someone to protect us.

We usually associate the fact of not having a partner with emotional and social isolation. However, not having a partner is not synonymous with seclusion or not having the option to have meaningful human contact. Living together as a couple is an option, in the same way as remaining alone. Despite this, the idea that usually predominates is the great happiness one feels being in a relationship.

What they don’t tell us is that before establishing a loving relationship, it is essential to know how to be alone. Because? If we do not know how to be with ourselves, we run the risk of establishing relationships of dependency. Relationships based on attachment and fear of loneliness. Nobody teaches us to stay with ourselves, how long does it take us to pick up our cell phone when we are alone? Few seconds, right? That is a clear example of the inability and low tolerance we have for being alone with ourselves.

Overcome the fear of loneliness

The best way to get rid of it is to start getting rid of it.

Whether we have a partner or not, finding ourselves and enjoying our company is essential for our well-being. The rest may or may not enhance it, as it is accessory.

So, as Maurice Maeterlinck said, “inner silence is the sun that ripens the fruits of the soul”. In other words, Finding companionship in yourself and falling in love with your inner self is a great self-gift.. After whatever comes, we will be emotionally trained to tune in with others if we want.