There are people who want you to do well, but not better than them.

Envy can lead certain people to discourage you and make you doubt your goals. That’s why it’s important to get rid of the need for approval.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

Certain individuals are excessively suspicious and suspicious. They always expect the worst from others and doubt their intentions. On the other hand, there are those who sin with excessive innocence and trust with their eyes closed in the goodness of others. The reality is that there are people who want you to do well, but not better than them.

As much as it may surprise you, it is a common phenomenon. Something that can occur in relationships of all kinds: between co-workers, between members of the same family, within a group of friends or even within a couple.

It may be surprising, painful and disappointing, but it is a truth to which we must be alert. If naivety overcomes us, we can fall into a game of manipulation that will take us away from our goals.

I want you to do well, but not better than me.

Although it may be hard to assimilate, there are many people who can come to feel this statement as their own. We may expect such petty feelings from someone with whom we have a rivalry or competition, even a stranger, but It is heartbreaking to think that it could be our loved ones who feel it..

It’s like that. People who appreciate you, who truly love you and care about you can fall prey to this type of reasoning. They do not wish you harm, they do not want to see you suffer, they will even be happy for your achievements and celebrate them by your side. As long as your merits do not exceed theirs.

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Surely, at some point you will have noticed the lack of interest or enthusiasm of a loved one when faced with good news that you have transmitted to them.. Maybe you thought he didn’t find your accomplishment all that surprising or that he was just lame. But, in reality, many times these behaviors hide a certain envy. They don’t deliberately praise your success or celebrate with you: they just don’t want to.

Why does this thought arise?

You may be wondering how this is possible. In reality, there is no single valid and universal answer that accounts for all cases. In some situations they can be really mean and cruel people who truly want to see you fail. However, In most cases the person simply acts out of fear.

Fear of not measuring up, of being insufficient, inadequate, of being left behind, of not achieving your goals. Fear of looking ridiculous, of appearing incompetent or a failure.

Keep in mind that human beings compare ourselves incessantly and The lives of others constitute the scale with which we measure our own.. If your achievements exceed theirs, the comparison will be disadvantageous. And fear attacks.

Therefore, it is not necessary, convenient or healthy to judge. Well, thinking “I want things to go well for you, but not better than me” does not systematically mean being a bad person. This statement It only reveals the shortcomings and limitations of that person. Their lack of self-esteem, their little confidence in their abilities, their pessimism and their dissatisfaction with their life circumstances.

How to act on it?

Taking all this into account, the best thing we can do is, first of all, pay attention. We need to understand that some people will think this way and it is important that we be able to identify when this happens.. Analyze the reactions of those around you when you share a personal achievement or success with them. If you notice that they are trying to belittle you or ignore the news, be alert.

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Next it is very necessary to get rid of the need for approval, as it can be very harmful, especially to people of this nature. It is evident that we are social beings and, to a greater or lesser degree, we all want to be liked and recognized.

Nevertheless, Understand that you don’t need anyone to agree with your decisions. That you agree is enough. Develop a clear and deep connection with yourself so that you can be fully aware of what you want and go for it.

This way, when outside voices want to discourage you and make you doubt, when they tell you that your ideas are crazy, ridiculous or out of your reach, their words will have no impact. There will always be someone who will not support you, but make sure that person is not you.