The virginity myth is a social construction that needs to be broken

Female virginity is still a taboo, especially when it comes to breaking the hymen. A social construction, without scientific basis, permeated by achismo, machismo, religious discourses and patriarchal culture. As a result, many myths, doubts and fears arise among women. The gynecologist Dr. Vanessa Machado (CRM 119917), from Vera Cruz Hospital, and psychologist Ellen Moraes Senra (CRP 05/42764) approach the topic and demystify several popular beliefs.

what is virginity

From a biological point of view, virginity is attributed to a person who has never had sexual intercourse. Historically, the concept has undergone several modifications, depending on the time, social context and current religion. In the western world, the stereotype of the ideal woman was created: chaste, angelic and virgin. This image was strengthened and haunted by the myth of the ruptured hymen.

From generation to generation, a woman was brought up to believe that if she had sex before marriage, her hymen would break and she would be scarred forever. A few decades ago (and still today), it was common for a husband to ‘return’ his wife to the family if she did not bleed on the first vaginal penetration. However, according to psychologist Ellen, virginity is much more than that.

“If the woman has already had oral sex or masturbated her partner, for example, she is no longer a ‘virgin’, as she has already done other things that are also considered sex”. – Ellen Moraes Senra

The hymen is not a seal or padlock, it is elastic and may or may not break the first time. If society stopped idolizing virginity as synonymous with character and started focusing on sex education, women would be safer, more informed and prepared. Anyway, it is necessary to desacralize the subject to treat it as a health issue!

How to know the right time to lose your virginity?

According to the gynecologist, “there is no right age to lose your virginity, but the ideal is for a woman to feel safe”. In addition, it is essential to be prepared physically and psychologically. So, only you can decide which is the best time! However, some information is important to ensure a healthy experience. Check out the guidelines of professionals:

Having the female body formed: Dr. Vanessa Machado explains that it is necessary “to have female sexual characters already formed and to have had their first menstruation. However, “very young girls are not prepared psychologically or physically to initiate sexual activity”. About this, the psychologist points out that “our body prepares itself long before our psychological. Just because the girl had her first period doesn’t mean she’s ready for intimacy.”
Consult a gynecologist: according to Dr. Vanessa Machado, before starting sexual life, one should know “the existing contraceptive methods (hormonal, non-hormonal, behavioral and barrier)”. It is also necessary to know that no method is 100% safe, that is, a woman can become pregnant. Therefore, it is very important to consult a professional and clarify all doubts.
Trust your partner: “Ask if you like your partner and if you trust him if you want to stop halfway”, guides the psychologist. In addition, “you need to know if you really want to have sex or are thinking about losing your virginity just to please your partner”, concludes the professional.
Know your body: another considerable point is self-knowledge. “Knowing how your body works, which places you feel more pleasure or don’t feel comfortable when someone touches you”, informs the psychologist.
Be safe: many young women lose their virginity due to pressure from their partner or close people. The psychologist emphasizes that the woman must be convinced of her decision so as not to regret it later. “If you are feeling safe, with your gynecological exams up to date and, above all, aware of the importance of using protection, then yes, you are ready to lose your virginity”.
Be vaccinated against HPV: HPV is a virus transmitted during anal, oral or vaginal sex. Therefore, the gynecologist advises “to have the complete HPV vaccine”. She also informs that “there are serological tests that can be done on the couple to evaluate some sexually transmitted infections (STIs), such as HIV, syphilis, hepatitis B and C. Some of them are done free of charge at Basic Health Units (UBS)”.

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Information and dialogue are essential for a healthy sex life. Talk to professionals, have a support network and cherish a relationship where you can talk about everything without fear of judgment. Masturbation is a great way to get to know your body. Feminine pleasure is not a sin, it is revolutionary.

Myths and Truths About Virginity

Throughout history, patriarchy has built and nurtured a manual of good conduct for women. Socially, when a man loses his virginity, he is admired, manly, he has done his duty. However, for women, reality permeates judgments, notes and defamation. With this, there is the denial of female sexuality. In addition to oppressing (and maintaining control), ideological, political, religious and cultural issues are used as a myth-making machine. Below, the professionals clarify the main issues surrounding the topic:

Is virginity linked to the hymen?

Myth: according to the gynecologist, the hymen is a sensitive membrane and usually opens when the first intercourse occurs. However, it does not necessarily break and bleed, and “sometimes it remains intact”.

Is there a right age to lose your virginity?

Myth: according to professionals, there is no right age. “The ideal is when our body is already prepared, but we need to know what its limits are and what a sexual relationship actually represents”, explains the psychologist. For the gynecologist, the first relationship is not only related to the formation of the body, but also to maturity. The woman should “have time to evaluate a contraceptive method, as she will be more exposed to STIs and the risk of pregnancy”.

Does losing your virginity hurt?

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Truth: professionals comment that it can hurt. “Because it is something that is going to happen for the first time, the woman ends up contracting more the muscles of the body and, consequently, the muscles of the pelvis”, explains the psychologist. In addition, the situation generates anxiety, tension and even fear of an unwanted pregnancy. “These issues decrease lubrication and, most of the time, the pain is related to friction during sexual intercourse due to low lubrication”, concludes Dr. Vanessa Machado.

Do you need to see a gynecologist before losing your virginity?

Truth: Dr. Vanessa always advises consulting a gynecologist to talk about it. “There are a lot of questions about penetration, anal sex, vaginal sex and how to properly put on a condom.” In addition, the consultation is important to advise on contraception and avoid an unplanned pregnancy.

Does the hymen disappear completely after losing your virginity?

Myth: according to the gynecologist, the hymen is the membrane that covers the entrance to the vagina. “In an examination performed on a woman with a ruptured hymen, we found hymenal caruncles – which are remnants of that little skin, that is, folds that are there in that region”.

Does the body change after the first sexual intercourse?

Myth: According to Dr. Vanessa Machado, the body doesn’t change after the first time. This is related to having sexual intercourse very early when the body is not yet fully formed and ready for adulthood.” A “14-16 year old girl will experience changes in breast size, breasts and body contour. All of this is a process that happens naturally, but is not related to the sexual act.”

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Is it possible to have orgasm in the first female sexual intercourse?

Truth: according to the professionals, it is possible, but it is not common because of inexperience, fears and insecurities. In that case, “it would be necessary to have sexual intercourse with someone more experienced than you. There is also the issue of psychological surrender and being attentive to physiological sensations”, explains the psychologist.

Awareness is the best way to deconstruct myths. Also, losing your virginity is not restricted to heterosexual relationships. In a same-sex relationship, for example, a woman may have her first sexual relationship with another woman.

Videos about virginity to clarify more doubts

Next, watch videos with more information from professionals about virginity. There are also reports of women about their first sexual experience. The moment is very individual, however, note that it is common to feel fear, anxiety and tension. After all, everything that happens for the first time, be it a kiss, a date or the start of a new job, scares a little:

Frequently asked questions about virginity

Dr. Laura Lúcia talks about the importance of consulting a gynecologist before having your first sexual intercourse. In addition, she clarifies frequent doubts on the subject, explains about gynecological diseases and important exams.

Main types of hymen

In this video, Patricia Muller talks about virginity and sexual initiation. She also explains about the three main types of hymen and their shapes, as well as why some break more easily.

Tips for losing your virginity

Priscila Simões gives important tips for the first time to be peaceful and special. She talks about insecurity with her own body, self-esteem, disease prevention and pregnancy!

First time report

In this video, youtuber Carol Bondariw tells how her first time was and vents about the pressure exerted by her partner and her friends. Was the first relationship a good experience or did she regret it? For details, watch the video! Remembering that each experience is individual.

The first sexual intercourse is an important moment that will stay in memory forever. Therefore, it is necessary to be prepared psychologically and physically. Get to know your body, your vagina, vulva, dialogue and exchange information with other women. It is necessary to strip the virginity theme of social taboos. There needs to be sexual empowerment!