3 signs that indicate insecurity in love

Falling in love and loving someone involves taking a leap into the void and sharing the most intimate part of our being, which is why some people feel insecure in love. Because loving is trusting, letting flow and opening up to the other. The couple has to be a safe zone in which you can express yourself and show yourself as you are, since, if this is not possible, the relationship is likely to end up poisoned by insecurity and doubts.

In this article we will focus on the signs of insecurity in love that people who are already in a relationship or who have ended a relationship may have (one of the signs of insecurity in love is leaving “the playing field”) . That is to say, You meet someone, you like them a lot and insecurity, vertigo, fear that they will hurt you begin to appear and you abandon them. before the bond has actually been formed.

In other words, “Running away” when you are getting to know someone is a sign of insecurity that is already well known and identified., both by those who experience it on their own skin and by those who have identified it in their partners. However, there are other signs of insecurity in love that can go more unnoticed and which we will detail below.

The first sign of insecurity in love: control and jealousy

One of the signs that there is insecurity in love is search for control, both about the relationship (the things you do together) and about the other (what your partner does or doesn’t do). Some people have a very high “baseline” need for control, that is, they need a very high degree of perceived control to not feel threatened. We are talking about a need that is often transferred to the couple.

But in general, when one person seeks control over the other it is because they feel insecure. A very high apparent need for control can also be linked to psychological problems.such as obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Furthermore, insecurity in love also manifests itself in the form of jealousy. Jealousy is the sign of insecurity par excellence; People who are secure in their relationship and have confidence in themselves can also feel jealous, but without an intensity or frequency that dominates them.

A good way to combat jealousy is to eliminate all the behaviors you carry out as a result of jealousy, for example, asking someone where they are, what time they will arrive, looking at their profiles on social networks, etc.

The constant search for signs of affection and affection: please tell me you love me

Being aware of your partner’s displays of affection is a sign of insecurity. In this sense, I mean that we all like to be shown affection and affection, but it is another very different thing to count the times that the couple makes a loving gesture. There are people who really “measure” and compare the gestures of love that their partner has towards them.In fact, they verbally ask the other to talk about the love they feel and, if possible, quantify it.

Likewise, those who are insecure in love can use expressions such as: “you are not as affectionate with me as with your friends” or “when we are at home you don’t show me your affection and when we are with people you do.” All of them can be a sign of fear, insecurity and low self-esteem.

On the other hand, you should know that this type of evaluations and comments are normal if they occur infrequently, that is, if you do it once every very long time or if they are not a source of discomfort. On the other hand, people who are sure of their relationship and themselves understand that People go through different states and each one of them modifies the openness towards others, including the partner..

A study carried out by Dr. Megan McCarthy at the University of Waterloo states that When you have low self-esteem, the person tends to silence their needs so as not to bother their partner. The problem is that most of the time this leads to difficulties in creating a healthy bond, since in the long run reproaches, criticism and a feeling of discomfort may appear.

Keep your opinions to yourself and avoid conflicts

Arguing and disagreeing with your partner is healthy. In fact, disagreements and differences are necessary to learn to live with othersunderstanding that he is a different person, with his characteristics and needs.

There are many people who try to remove any omen of discussion, understanding that this is a symptom of weakness in the couple. Thus, their opinions are kept to themselves to promote dialogues that always go in the same direction: what the other person says.

This habit, which in the short term can benefit communication, in the long run ends up destroying the person and the appropriate partner. On the other hand, This lack of spontaneity, far from eliminating insecurity in love, will only increase it.

What to do when faced with these signs?

The good thing is that the three signs we have told you about not only serve to identify insecurity, but also Changing them is also a good strategy to end it. In the end, the couple, for those who have it, is an important pillar capable of creating great well-being when we feel that we can rely on it (without pretending, just as we are) and capable of generating great tension when we do not enjoy this trust.

If you have presented any of these signs, you can start working on strengthening your self-esteem and self-concept. Remember that when we learn to recognize the good and valuable things that are in each of us, it will be easier for us to feel safe and confident in your relationships. It never hurts, of course, to seek professional support. to trace the causes of insecurities, identify them and intervene on them.

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