Is it normal to get bored with your partner?

Getting bored with your partner is as normal as getting bored with work, family, commitments or any other reality in life. Let’s start by saying that boredom is not as deplorable or as negative a state as many believe. It’s simply like the flu: no one is immune from having one from time to time.

We can define boredom as a state in which there is an absence of interest or motivation. Etymologically it comes from the Latin root ab, which means ‘without’; and of horrere, which means ‘horror’. So, From an etymological point of view, it would be something like ‘being without horror’ .

Getting bored with your partner, with your job, with your friends, with whatever is perfectly normal under certain circumstances. It is simply a consequence not a problem in itself. Just as the night allows us to value the day, and vice versa, those periods in which there is a certain boredom also allow us to value novelty in a different way.

Reflections on boredom

Boredom is the first cousin of depression but not its synonym. It is a state that generates discomfort and easily leads to sadness. Sometimes, it prompts questions and ruminations about the true meaning of life. After a while, it could lead to hopelessness.

Isaac Asimov once said that boredom would become the great disease of modern times. Why modernism? Did it not exist in other times? Perhaps, what has changed is the connotation of this feeling. It is in our times when it acquired a highly negative meaning and that is why it is almost not tolerated.

A person gets bored when there is no fun in their life . More precisely: another version of reality. It arises when activities or routines become excessively repetitive. Also when there are no goals or objectives or they lose their power of attraction.

Getting bored with your partner

Getting bored with your partner is generally seen as a serious alarm signal. The first idea that appears is the suspicion that love is over. Those who have long-standing relationships know that this is not the case. Love and boredom of the other are realities that often coexist, although they seem contradictory..

The most common thing is that people get bored with their partner after a few years of living together. In fact, it is believed that the critical point occurs between four and seven years into the relationship.

At four, because it is the time when the brain stops releasing dopamine and other substances associated with falling in love. At seven, because anthropologically it coincides with the cycle that completes the upbringing of a child. Thus, biologically we are prepared to do without the partner when the survival of the species is fully guaranteed.

From a psychological point of view, getting bored with your partner can be a symptom that the stage of romantic love has ended.. However, a study carried out by Sandra L. Murray, Dale W. Griffin and John G. Holmes points out that the greater the idealization during the falling in love stage, the lower the probability of boredom after falling in love.

The anxiety of affection

When two people fall in love, what is known as “affection anxiety” is activated in them.. Starting a romantic relationship with someone generates the feeling that one’s life is undergoing an expansion. It is experienced as a psychological awakening that gives rise to very pleasant sensations.

A need for protection and comfort then appears, as well as fear of loss. The antidote to all this is the closeness of the loved one. When it is present and corresponds to these feelings, anxiety is attenuated. So, what there is is a strong need for connection with the loved one.

With the passage of time, that feeling of individual expansion and psychological awakening diminishes. What was extraordinary becomes familiar and the feeling of newness disappears. With it, the enthusiasm and accumulation of pleasant sensations that were previously experienced also fade. It is at that point where it is possible to get bored with your partner.

Things will never be the same as they were in the beginning. However, there are ways to reactivate the relationship and avoid the feeling of boredom. Introducing new features and variations is the main way to reawaken mutual interest.. It is always very convenient to evolve individually to modify that feeling of “the same thing forever.”

Yes, it is normal to get bored with your partner

Having said all this, we conclude that yes, it is normal to get bored with your partner from time to time, especially in relationships that have been going on for a long time. However, the situation becomes worrying if this feeling persists for long periods and remains constant. That is to say, Alerts should go off when boredom becomes the norm and not the exception.

And, if that is the case, the most common cause is usually due to neglect of the relationship, where both have not known how to strengthen the different aspects of the couple’s bond. In these circumstances, more work needs to be done to heal the relationship, if you wish. If not, a breakup may be around the corner.

You might be interested…