The truth is that you didn’t love me was shit!

I so wanted you to like me the same way I liked you. I wanted so much for you to love me with all that intensity I had when I saw you. I so wanted you to work for us with the same desire that I had to solve problems, to look for a way to solve things and try to make it work in the end. I wanted so much that you were willing to make us do something, that you really wanted to listen to me, that you had the patience to listen to me, that you took us seriously. But we can’t force people to like us. If we have to demand something, it’s because it’s not being reciprocal, there’s no love. Sometimes life has these things ready for us. I think we ended up losing ourselves in someone so that, at the end of the day, we found ourselves even stronger, firmer, more mature. I thought I had lost you, but I realized that the only thing I lost with you was my time.

I left even though I wanted so much to stay, because one want is not enough. You know that phrase: “who loves never gives up”? I came to not believe in her when I loved you like hell and had to give up for lack of reciprocity.

I even tried. I tried to get past the problems and give you one more chance. I tried to believe that everything would work out between the two of us, I tried to believe that we would be okay again. But it did not. I couldn’t believe you anymore after so many chances I gave you. I got tired of pretending that nothing happened, you know? I’m tired of simply believing that everything was fine when I knew it wasn’t. Each person only gives what he has. If you didn’t love me, there was no reason for me to insist that you did.

I realized that you left the day you called me and my heart didn’t race anymore. I realized that you had become past when this whole situation stopped hurting me, when I found the fun in it all. I realized that you had left my life when I found you in the night and my legs didn’t shake, when I saw you accompanied by someone else and I hoped that this time you would become a person of integrity and stop hurting others. You stopped being that person I wanted and you became the person I got rid of, when I finally realized that you weren’t worth it and that I deserved much more.

You were able to lie looking into my eyes, you had the courage to say that you loved me, that you would never hurt me, that it was all in my head. Deep down I felt, deep inside I knew that you were lying, but I chose to deceive myself, I decided to believe you, because after all, you said that you loved me and that when we love someone we must believe, right? You were able to deceive me, to use love as an apology to camouflage what you had done, you threw our dreams out the window, swept our plans under the rug and had the nerve to tell me loved. You didn’t fucking love!

Iandé Albuquerque