The true secret of attraction goes beyond the physical and interior

True attraction goes beyond the physical or that interior that is so difficult to define. The authentic magic between two people is inscribed in the emotional reading of two hearts that collapse and harmonize, that understand each other.. It is that attraction from which one cannot free oneself even by closing one’s eyes.

We are all clear how complex it is for science to isolate variables and establish correlations to understand a little better what is called love, affection or attraction. However, the most recent study published so far seems to have it clear: The key to attractiveness could be the mutual understanding between two people.

“I just want someone who understands me.”. This is undoubtedly one of the most common phrases that we throw out in desperation when we fail in an emotional relationship. Far from asking for the impossible, our demand is as logical as it is correct. Because No love will be authentic if there is no empathy based on the intuition of needs and the correspondence of affections.

We invite you to reflect on it.

The mystery of attraction between two people

Let us remember, for a moment, an unforgettable film: “As Better as It Gets.” We are facing two completely different people, both in social status and personal interests. Although there is an inexplicable attraction between Melvin and Carol, Helen Hunt’s character feels desperate in the face of Jack Nicholson’s behavior and attitude.

She “wants a normal boyfriend” someone who understands her. Until at a given moment, and in an extreme situation, she asks him to give her just one reason not to leave at that very moment. It is then that Melvin Udall, that writer of romantic novels and with a serious obsessive compulsive disorder, reveals with sincerity, “You make me want to be a better person.”

That is where the real mystery lies. Beyond the physical and that turbulent interior that people sometimes keep, we all hide emotional needs that are suddenly identified, read and even resolved with the closeness of that wonderful someone disguised as a normal person.

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The real attractiveness is in the brain

The more we can tune into someone’s emotional world to the point of deciphering their feelings, the greater the attraction. This is the conclusion reached by a group of researchers from the University of Lübeck, Germany, and whose study was published this year in the journal “PNAS”.

The most intense attraction is the one in which we finally manage to understand the other person’s intentions and emotions.and where we also reinforce our personal growth and self-esteem like the root of that tree that manages to find a small corner under the earth full of water and nutrients where it can grow in strength and beauty.

To have a long-lasting and happy relationship, people are “obliged” to continually update and decode both the emotions and intentions of our partners.. Only then can we anticipate them and act accordingly. (He seems tired, he must have had a bad time at work. I’m going to prepare a hot bath and a special dinner for him.)If we fail, if our neural system fails to decode emotions, a state of stress and dissonance is created in the brain. (Why is he rejecting me? Why is he in a bad mood when I’ve done everything I can to make him feel good?)

All of this seems to help us a little more to understand why, sometimes, starting a relationship with someone to whom we are physically attracted and with whom we fear some affinities, does not quite fit.

People need a more intimate harmony, where our neural vocabulary speaks the same language.. Where needs are decoded through a wise, intuitive and above all brave emotional reading. Able to give the most accurate answer at all times and not the one that interests oneself.

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Feature image by: Cloudy Thurstag