The Secret of a Happy Family: The Karpman Triangle

Karpman’s triangle, or the drama triangle, is the most frequent model of interpersonal relationships. It was first described by the classic transactional analyst Stephen Karpman in 1968. People manipulate each other, depend on each other and get tired of it. In such situations, there is very little happiness and little strength to change the situation. But there is a way out of this.

O awesome.club show you what is the principle of the Karpman triangle. Remember that to solve a problem it is necessary to admit that it exists.

Two, three or even a group of people can participate in this drama triangle. However, there are always only three roles: victim, persecutor, and savior. Occasionally, participants in the triangle change roles, but they are all manipulators who ruin their loved ones’ lives as well as their own.

For a victim, life is a real suffering: he is mistreated by everyone, he gets tired and starts to get frustrated. The only things they are capable of feeling: resentment, fear, shame. He is an envious and jealous person. He has no strength, no time, no desire to do anything to improve his life. It’s inert. He is afraid of the future and only expects the worst.

For him, too, life is an enemy and a source of trouble. He lives tense, upset, angry and afraid. He is not able to forget past problems and always thinks about new problems in the future. He controls and criticizes his loved ones, he feels a great burden of responsibility and it drains him. His energy is nil.

Feel pity for the victim and anger at the persecutor. He thinks he’s smarter than others and likes his “mission” to help everyone. But in reality, he doesn’t save anyone, as no one asked for help. His usefulness is illusory, and the purpose of his actions and advice is to assert himself, not really help.

The persecuting dictator does not leave the victim alone, corrects him, forces him to do something and constantly criticizes him. The victim tries, suffers, gets tired and complains. The savior consoles, advises, listens and always offers his shoulder to cry on. But most of the time, the participants switch roles.

This drama can last for years. People often don’t even realize that they are deeply attached to this triangle. They may think the situation is normal and comfortable. The persecutor has someone to retaliate and blame for all his troubles, the victim receives compassion from others and relieves himself of the responsibilities of his life, while the savior takes on his hero role.

They depend on each other because they see the source of their problems in the other. And they try to change the person in such a way that it serves their purposes.

People switch roles in this triangle: sometimes they control and sometimes they save. This type of relationship is certainly not related to love. It is the desire to dominate, to feel pity, to complain and to justify. But it’s not about love, support or happiness.

When a family lives in the Karpman triangle, changing roles occasionally, the son who lives there will inevitably be involved as well. It will probably be impossible for the child to become an independent person, he will not be allowed to make choices and decisions. This is unintentional: people who live in this triangle simply think that this way they are protecting their children. These parents sometimes manipulate duties, shame, guilt, and pity.

You have to understand that to fulfill your own desires, you just have to take the first step and believe in yourself. It is necessary to take control of your life and start taking action, without thinking about what others will say.

How to get out of the triangle if you’re the victim

Stop complaining about your life. And of everything. Spend that time looking for opportunities to improve situations that you don’t like. Remember once and for all: no one owes you anything. Not even if someone promised something, if they offered to help. Circumstances always change, as do people’s desires. Yesterday the person wanted to give you something, today not anymore. Stop expecting a salvation. You are responsible for all your choices and decisions. Furthermore, you have every right to make another decision if the previous one was not good. Don’t justify or criticize yourself if you think you don’t live up to someone’s expectations. The expectations of others are theirs alone and you are not obligated to meet them.

How to get out of the triangle if you are one stalker

Stop blaming other people or circumstances for your problems. No one is obligated to live up to their notions of right and wrong. People are different, situations are too. So if you don’t like something, just don’t do it. Resolve your disagreements peacefully, without anger or aggression. Stop wanting to assert yourself at the expense of those who are weaker than you.

How to get out of the triangle if you are a savior

If people don’t ask for your help, don’t pry. Stop thinking that you know more than others, that your way of life is better and that without your valuable recommendations, the world will cease to exist. Don’t make promises without thinking. Stop expecting people to thank you and praise you. After all, you’re helping because you want to help, not to receive praise or awards, right? Before performing any act of kindness, honestly ask yourself: Is your interference really necessary? Stop asserting yourself at the expense of those who spend their time complaining about life.

If you intend to get out of this triangle, changes will not happen on their own and it is good to start as soon as possible. It is necessary to take action. You will have more time and strength, you will breathe better and your life will become more interesting. The tension in your relationship will be reduced.

The victim becomes a hero. Now, instead of complaining about fate, the person struggles with problems, but doesn’t feel exhausted, but motivated. When solving his problems, he does not complain, but he takes pleasure in being able to solve them. the stalker turns into philosopher. By observing the hero’s actions, he no longer criticizes, he doesn’t worry about the outcome. It accepts any result. He knows that in the end, everything will change for the better. The Savior turns into motivator. Encourages the hero to perform his heroic deeds by describing bright prospects. Look for opportunities to apply the hero’s strength and ways to inspire him.

This relationship model is much healthier and much happier.

In this triangle, there is even more happiness and energy.

The hero becomes a winner. He performs heroic deeds not out of praise, but to apply his creative energy. No need for fame, enjoy the process of creativity and the opportunity to change something in this world for the better. the philosopher becomes a observer. See connections and relationships in this world that are incomprehensible to others. Finds new opportunities and has lots of ideas. The motivator becomes a one strategist. He knows well how to carry out the observer’s ideas.

It is important to assess the situation correctly and genuinely. Realize when someone is trying to manipulate you and not fall into the drama of a stressful relationship. Do not accept the role that someone wants to impose; learn to pick yourself up and move on when you realize something is wrong.

Did you know these Karpman triangle scenarios? Do you think you’re going through this? Know of someone who needs to read this article? Tell us your experiences and don’t forget to share with your friends and family!