The real meaning of “it’s just sex”

When we say that we “only” have sex with someone, it is to make it clear to that someone and to others that that person is not important for us. It is quite a declaration of intent so that he or she knows that we do not feel anything nice or special, nor are we going to feel it.

Somehow we are advising that it’s a minor relationship that won’t grow, nor will it last, that our lives won’t be affected at all. Because it’s not a relationship, it’s “just sex”.

We say it’s “just sex” when what we really mean is that we are not in love with the other person, nor will we ever want it, nor do we want to deepen the relationship. We can have sex with that person, but we’re not going to undress to have sex.

Soulless body love

When we say that with someone “there is nothing but sex”, what we really mean is that we are only going to relate to his body, not with the person in the body.

This idea of ​​the separation of the body and the soul comes from Plato and we have inherited it from the Christian culture that despises the body, eroticism and pleasure, which believes that sexual desire is a physiological need as aberrant as eating, urinating or defecating.

So we also believe that sex is something dirty that we can do with anyone and that love, on the other hand, is something beautiful that is only done with special people. That is why we say that a relationship is “just sex” when we want to make it clear that something is nothing.

We say that “it’s just sex” when we do not intend to connect with the other person on a personal level, when we are not interested in getting to know them, when we do not want to peek into their most intimate self.

When we say it’s just sex, too we usually imply that the person we are with is not a person with whom one can fall in love. Either because we are in a moment of our lives in which we do not need beautiful relationships, or because we believe that the other person does not meet the necessary conditions to be cared for and loved.

Saying that “you only have sex” with someone, in short, it is a way of denying or degrading the relationship, of distinguishing between people who are worthwhile and those who are not. It is a way of discriminating important relationships from those that are not.

A label to rank relationships

Both unfaithful monogamous and polyamorous use this concept so that his main partner believes that the lover is a lower being It doesn’t matter in your life.

Clarify that it is “just sex” It is a way of saying that the relationship is missing something. It lacks depth, it lacks affection, it lacks tenderness. A relationship in which “there is only sex” is a relationship in which there is no care, nor will there be.

“It’s just sex” is a way of reducing a relationship between two human beings to a simple rubbing of the genitals that ends in ejaculation.

Sex is one of the most intimate and beautiful forms of relationship in the world, but our Judeo-Christian culture believes that sex is a sin, that pleasure is the worst and that when we get together in two or two or in a group to have sex we are the same as animals (as if we were not animals, or as if we were superior to them).

When we downgrade a relationship to the “it’s just sex” category, we mean that we have a good time with someone who does not seem valuable enough to be wanted or loved.

It is a way of categorizing relationshipswhat we have based on affective hierarchies: I love my girlfriend, but with this other woman it’s just sex.

One deserves love, the other I only use to discharge my liquids in a hole. One deserves everything, the other nothing.

The best safe-conduct for the infidel

Many men believe that if they are unfaithful and tell their partners that there was only sex, they will be more easily forgiven because they are making it clear that the other woman belongs to a lower category and that, therefore, she is not a danger to the official woman.

That is, the woman The one who is used to have sex is not a lady nor does she deserve the same respect as the lady, and it’s not a threat to her because it doesn’t even reach the bottom of her shoes.

Patriarchal men believe that some women are for getting married and starting a family, and others, on the other hand, are only for having sex, that is, to vent and ejaculate.

And so they can have both: when each woman is clear to which class she belongs, You already know what you can demand from a man and what not.

Settle for sex or demand something more?

The problems come when a woman with whom “there is only sex” wants to be something else when she does not resign herself to her low status, when she wants to be valued and loved by the man who has placed her in such an unworthy place.

When they fall in love with them, they suffer. They want to be the girlfriends, not stay in the category of lover. They want the throne. And as in the stories that they tell us, they have made us believe that “the one who follows him, she gets it”, well, they stay there, giving sex and expecting to receive love in return.

Women are made to believe that if we love the male with devotion and show him that we can be good wives, if we are patient and devoted, if we are submissive and behave well, maybe we can be upgraded and thus stop being just an object for sexual use.

For males, sex and love are different things, and it turns out that there are thousands, millions of women willing to have sex to see if they are chosen as wives and mothers of children. The issue is that almost no one wants to stay there, as a sex server, because it knows that it can be replaced at any time.