The psychology of self-punishment: the suffering we impose on ourselves

History tells that throughout the 14th and 15th centuries, when the plague devastated Europe, people took to the streets in procession to publicly flagellate themselves. Purpose? Cleanse their souls through pain and avoid (supposedly) illness. The psychology of self-punishment has many forms, it is true, but the purpose is always the same: self-inflicted suffering to purify often undesirable internal aspects.

It is true, however, that this psychological reality tends to focus much more on mental self-punishment than on physical punishment (such as self-harm). That is to say, The most common thing is to encounter people who feed on negative internal dialogue. and self-sanctioning that completely eats away at their self-esteem. It is also common to exclude opportunities, close doors and remain captives of loneliness and unhappiness.

In the internal universe of someone who lives with the weight of guilt and intolerance of error, this type of harmful strategy is frequently applied. Self-punishment is the most harmful practice we can carry out.. No one comes out unscathed when they constantly feed on harsh self-criticism and, above all, when in the absence of self-love, only self-contempt dwells.

Psychology of self-punishment: the fractured mind

And you… do you also emerge as your worst enemy? The truth is that many of us have done it at some point. Not trusting our abilities or blaming ourselves for events that are beyond our control and responsibility is common. We punish ourselves, for example, when our emotional relationships fail. and we tell ourselves that we are not good for love and that we ruin everything.

The psychology of self-punishment conceptualizes this dimension as a defense mechanism.. That is, faced with the perception of having made a mistake, of having demonstrated weakness or fallibility, the person applies punishment to himself. That reaction, that mechanism is applied through emotions, cognitions and even behaviors.

That is, I will feel discomfort and even rejection of myself for having made that mistake. Furthermore, I will feed and reinforce a whole succession of negative and even irrational thoughts towards myself. Lastly, and in the most extreme cases, I can engage in behaviors that go against me: denying myself pleasures and hobbies, avoiding opportunities, excluding myself from social events. and the most serious thing, lead to self-harm.

Self-punishment (almost always) has its origins in childhood

If as children we get slapped every time we ask for something, eventually there will probably come a day when we stop asking. In this way, if in adulthood we dare to ask someone for something (a date, for example) and they reject us, we will most likely punish ourselves for it as well. Therefore, it is not difficult to understand evidence. Early childhood experiences determine the propensity for self-flagellation.

In some way, with this type of dynamics what is done is perpetuate suffering. Classic research works such as that carried out at the University of Michigan (Comer, R. and Laird, JD, 1975) provided evidence in favor of an intuitive hypothesis.

Psychology of Self-Punishment: The Dobby Effect and Guilt and Shame

We already know that the first experiences in our childhood condition the appearance of these psychological realities. Now, research work such as that of the University of Tiburg in the Netherlands tells us that guilt is another factor to take into account.

The scientists called efecto dobby (character from the Harry Potter books) to that inclination that some people have to atone for their guilt through flagellation. Within this very peculiar group, we find those who harm themselves by not correctly assuming responsibilities that do not really belong to them.

On the other hand, it has also been seen that the most pathological shame, the one that nullifies identities, capacities and self-esteem, is always accompanied by very destructive criticism.

Psychological self-care to overcome self-destruction

There is something important that we must consider. The psychology of Chronic self-punishment is often behind certain mental disorders. Some of them are major depression, borderline personality disorder, and eating disorders. It is true that many more dimensions are integrated behind these conditions, but the practice of self-flagellation is a common denominator.

What can we do if we find ourselves in that same situation? Well, if we are addicted to the feeling of constant guilt, if we do not tolerate mistakes, if we punish ourselves for what was said or not said, for what was done or avoided, it is necessary that we stop. Understanding that harming oneself (emotionally or behaviorally) has no meaning or purpose is the first thing.

If we despise and criticize ourselves in the same way our parents did in childhood, what we are doing is perpetuating the same painful dynamic. It is necessary to request psychological help in these delicate and painful situations.

Likewise, let’s not forget something basic and essential either. The psychology of self-punishment reminds us that Nothing is more cathartic and necessary than practicing daily self-care. This practice has nothing to do with going to a spa or taking a relaxing bath.

Self-care is remembering that we deserve to be and feel good. It is taking care of our emotional health just as we take care of our body. Self-care is allowing ourselves to heal and giving ourselves what we need. Walking through the world free of guilt and finally stopping being our worst enemies is health and well-being.

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