The power of flattery

The Swedish writer Selma Lagerhof said that there is no more pleasure than the flattery of the wise and the capable.. But for this maxim to work, as a first measure we have to be honest.

It’s not worth going through life flattering just becausejust to look good. If you don’t like the skirt your friend is wearing, don’t say “that’s pretty, where did you buy it?” If you think your friend should put more effort into her job, don’t tell her “you’ll be promoted soon.”

We can think better about how to make others happy by telling them something beautiful that we really feel. For example, instead of complimenting your friend’s skirt, thank her for her friendship. Instead of telling your friend that she will have a better position, it would be good to tell her, “I am so lucky to have you by my side when I need you.”

The two faces of flattery

Did you know that with a few simple phrases you can brighten the day of a person you love very much? This is how it should be! Flattery is a widely used tool for seduction, and also to convince or manipulate.. Therefore, we must be very careful about how much we flatter and how much we are flattered.

Compliments make us feel better, they raise our self-esteem. “But your hair looks great, María”, “Juan, I have to tell you that your car is very well taken care of”, “Ester, you are the best cook in the world”, “Carlos, how lucky the company is to have an employee like you”. How many times have we said something similar, and not always thinking it, just for the sake of pleasing others?

It is necessary to find the middle ground between staying silent and talking too much. In this case, between not paying any compliments and “throwing flowers” ​​everywhere, without thinking about our words. Being a moderately flattering person can help you in many areasnot just when you have a date (or want to have one) or to get a better deal.

Persuasion through gifts and compliments

Praise can have two goals. On the one hand, please the other and convince them to do something. It is proven (if not, do the test yourself), that We are more attracted to those who treat us well and say nice things to us. than those who have never flattered us, not even when we had the best dress at the party or we have achieved the maximum amount of sales in the company.

On the other hand, there is a theory that indicates that When we give something (a gift or some nice words) to a person, they feel lacking towards us. As? If, for example, you compliment a potential customer on her youth or her outfit, she will be more likely to buy what you offer.

In this case, one of the most used influence processes in marketing can be seen: principle of reciprocity. This principle consists of the need to return a favor when someone has done it for us, even if we have not asked for it. In this way, if someone compliments us, we can feel indebted to that person.

But be careful, when it is our turn to do the pulling, we have to be careful with our words. If a pretty lady comes to the store where you work, it is not worth using her beauty to your advantage. Better focus on things like her style, her outfit, her good taste, etc. Otherwise, you will achieve the opposite effect… she may even get angry with you! (and obviously not buy anything).

How to choose compliments

Everyone knows how to flatter, we do it all the time. The secret lies in knowing when the right time and place are. And don’t forget to always use the right words. Don’t spend two hours listing every thing you like about the other person, rather put together a comprehensive composition (so to speak) about that person. Thus, you will only need a minute to generate a good effect on the other.

Also keep in mind how the person who is going to receive the compliments is, because while we may think “well, but who doesn’t like being told nice things?” There are many who feel uncomfortable when faced with a compliment.. That doesn’t mean you should stop doing them, but rather focus on their attitude and feelings.

Don’t be cloying with your flattery, nor be brief with it. They increase the self-esteem of those who receive them and improve their impression of you. Since we are in a time where we tend to focus more on the negative than the positive, recognizing the merits of others is already an act of rebellion.

Define your intentions from the beginning. And open your eyes if someone flatters you too much… they may be wanting something more from you!

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