The origin of the constant feeling of abandonment

Some people suffer from a constant feeling of abandonment that causes them great anxiety, since they feel that others are always going to leave them. In fact, they are very observant. Any word or action is analyzed to the millimeter to confirm what they fear so much: “he doesn’t want to be with me, I’m indifferent to him or he doesn’t love me.”

On many occasions, they can be wrong. However, When we enter a relationship with some type of fear that the other person will abandon us, this is likely to happen. The reason this happens is because fear is so powerful that these people establish unhealthy attachment bonds. This fear makes them control, harass and distrust others. In the end, the relationship wears out and ends.

It also happens that relationships often change over time. The friends we may have now and with whom we talk often may end up leaving in the future. Lives and relationships are transformed. Unfortunately, the constant feeling of abandonment that some people have will prevent them from being aware of it. Your fear of losing others will make them believe that any change in a relationship is negative.

The attachment that develops in childhood

To understand all those people who have a constant feeling of abandonment, It is necessary that we focus our attention on his childhood. Despite being a stage that we barely remember, something very important developed during it and that marks all the relationships we have when we are adults: the bond of attachment.

Attachment is the emotional bond that all children develop with their caregivers.. They are the figures that cover their needs and provide them with security. According to various research, if in adulthood we have a constant feeling of abandonment it is because the attachment has not developed in a healthy way. Therefore, it is possible that some deficiencies existed in childhood. Below we will see some of the most frequent ones.

Factors that cause the constant feeling of abandonment

Lack of affection. If caregivers do not hug, caress, or provide physical affection, the child will grow up with a lack of affection. The same thing will happen if they never say anything nice to you. There are multiple types of displays of affection that are not just physical and that are necessary.Absent caregivers. Many people with a constant feeling of abandonment have the feeling that their parents paid little attention to them. Maybe they were too focused on their relationship, maybe they were absent or too busy. The point is that they experienced a very deep feeling of absence.Harmful relationship model. The interaction between parents is essential when it comes to building security that they will not abandon us. The presence of infidelity, for example, is usually very harmful to the child’s safety. In these cases, it is common for them to interpret that all people are “unfaithful” and that they will always leave them.

The constant feeling of abandonment is a very heavy weight; However, in childhood it was a defense mechanism to survive. Instead of developing a secure attachment, it was decided to develop a link insecure-ambivalent , which will be present in the relationships of adulthood. In this way, the person will distrust and be alert to any possible deception, but at the same time will depend on the other person to cover their need for affection.

Repetition of the same patterns

If you have identified with the description of the constant feeling of abandonment, it is most likely that you have immersed yourself in relationships in which your partner has been unfaithful to you, has been too attached to his parents or did not pay attention to you because he did not stop. never work. Unconsciously, you may be repeating the pattern abandonment suffered in childhood. The only difference is that it occurs in other contexts and with other people.

When we first discover the impact our relationship with our parents had on our adult lives, we may become angry and blame them for everything that happens to us. However, it is necessary to remember that They did everything they could at the time.. Plus, now that you’ve grown up, you’re solely responsible for everything you do and the decisions you make. Blaming isn’t going to help you, but working on yourself will.

The best way to heal that type of unhealthy attachment that you learned in your childhood is to do self-esteem work. This will allow you to learn to cover your shortcomings to stop trying to make others do it. Starting to cultivate security will help you trust both yourself and other people and in this way, you will be able to have healthy relationships.

Keep in mind that you cannot control or erase what happened to you when you were little. But now, you can decide if you want to solve it. For this, the most important thing is take charge of your own feelings. The path to healthy relationships is not easy, but it is worth it.

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