The main causes of divorce according to psychologists (spoiler: infidelity is not the biggest)

According to IBGE statistics, here in Brazil, about a third of marriages end in divorce. At the same time, if a person decides to marry a second time, the likelihood that he will end up in divorce decreases, according to some surveys.

Experts say that second marriages are more likely to work because people are often a little older, more experienced, and more clear about what to expect in a relationship. In this post, we will try to assess what are the causes that explain these statistics.

we, from awesome.club, we suggest that you carefully read the information below. In addition to identifying the main causes that lead to a breakup, we also bring some advice from psychologists on the best way to prevent it from happening.

In the 21st century this problem has become more sensitive because of social networks, a very important part of most people’s lives. Nowadays, posting a photo with someone is almost like brushing your teeth, it’s become a habit🇧🇷 But people need to understand not everyone is willing to expose their life as if it were a show.

Another similar problem is talking about your personal life with friends behind the other person’s back. This behavior can hurt the partner, cause arguments, and lead to divorce.

To avoid these problems, talk and set boundaries. Talk openly about what can and cannot be shared and try to solve problems without interference from people outside the relationship.

We are raised in different family environments, with values ​​and ideas that can vary widely; therefore, ideas about how to resolve a conflict can also vary widely; some people prefer to shut up, others prefer—and this is often unavoidable—to blow up and resolve everything on the spot.

If people are not willing to change and find a compromise when it comes to resolving these situations, in the long run the marriage can suffer and even end up in divorce.

Talking about the things that scare or bother us, because no one can read the thoughts of others. At the same time, psychologists recommend not using phrases like “When you start screaming I lose control!” but try to use more neutral alternatives, like “I get sad when you raise your voice”. Another option is to talk to an expert. If the problem is already consolidated and comes from afar, the help of a psychologist is essential.

This problem is similar to the lack of confidentiality. Here, one of the members of the couple not only shares his personal life with his parents, but also allows them to meddle in the most important and intimate issues of the couple. When parents meddle in their children’s lives, the situation rarely ends well.

Once again it is important to set limits. It’s clear that people can’t—and shouldn’t—exclude parents from their lives, but it’s important to set limits on influence so that intimacy is preserved.

Constant comparisons never work, especially when they’re not constructive. If the other person is constantly trying to put you down or find fault with you, you are likely to constantly argue, which can lead to divorce. Psychologists estimate that sometimes people who compare themselves to each other all the time do not do so consciously, but end up imitating their parents and think this behavior is normal.

If comparisons are bothering you, talk to the other person directly about the topic. To avoid arguments, it’s important to make it clear that you’re upset. If the other person loves you, they will find a way to stop.

Children from previous marriages do not always lead a second marriage to divorce, but it can happen. Usually, this occurs when a person cannot assimilate that the child is not theirs, is constantly trying to get your attention, or causes conflicts on purpose.🇧🇷 As a result, the person realizes that the son or daughter is more important than the new relationship, and the situation ends in divorce.

The opposite situation can also happen: the child manipulates the parent to get him or her to leave the relationship🇧🇷 This usually happens when the children are teenagers and don’t want to accept that their parents have divorced.

Situations can happen in different ways. If the child makes the problem worse, you need to talk to them and explain that you love them but have a new partner. The most important thing is to back up words with actions, always. If the problem is with the other person, it is important to show that children are the most important thing in our lives, and if the partner is not willing to change their behavior, the situation cannot be resolved and the relationship may end.

In both cases, the best option is always to seek the help of a psychologist.

Having a child is a responsible decision that must be taken together. If one of the people is prepared and the other is still insecure, the situation can be the trigger for the emergence of conflicts and misunderstandings🇧🇷 Many people don’t see any sense in childless marriages, others do.

We are not talking about the impossibility of having children, but the lack of will.

If the person cannot have children due to a health problem, it is important to make this clear from the beginning of the relationship. Withholding such important information, in this case, does not help, it can lead to serious misunderstandings and a feeling of guilt.

If you don’t want children yet, but maybe your opinion will change in the future, talk about it. In a relationship it is always important that all sensations are shared, so that no one has false hopes.

It is very common for some people to continue getting along well after the relationship ends, especially when there are children in the game. The problem arises when the previous marriage invades the current marriage, in which case we may be facing another divorce.

It’s not worth giving the other person an ultimatum, as they may think you’re talking about children and not your ex-spouse. But it’s important that some limits are set, especially so that you don’t feel like a substitute for your ex, but a special person.

Physical and emotional abuse is one of the main causes of divorce. Unfortunately, many people don’t end the relationship even in cases like this🇧🇷 We are not here to judge. But psychologists are sure that living with a person who is psychologically blackmailing is not good for anyone. In these situations, when the person finally seeks help, he ends up coming to the conclusion that the only solution is, indeed, divorce.

In such cases, it is not worth continuing, not even trying to save the marriage. According to experts, the important thing is to finish soon and get out of this whirlwind of pain and emotional blackmail, so that the trauma is not even greater.

This is one of the most common reasons for divorce. If a spouse seeks care, affection, or greater intimacies outside of the relationship, the marriage is not going well.

To forgive or not forgive an infidelity is an individual decision. Psychologists say that it is possible for people to reestablish the relationship after such an episode, but it takes effort to do so. Furthermore, sincerity should be re-discussed and, in some cases, tested.

A survey of over 2,000 British couples revealed that Money-related problems are the most likely to lead to divorce.🇧🇷 One in 5 respondents said that their financial situation is the main cause of family arguments. And those numbers don’t just appear in the UK.

Psychologists believe that money sometimes becomes a key part of a breakup.

Before formalizing the marriage, it is important to talk about money. It is always easier to make things clear, so that everyday life is easier, especially if the couple intends to have children. If this is discussed earlier, discussions in the future will be avoided.

What is your opinion on divorce? What do you think is unforgivable in a relationship? Share in the comments.