The lack of passion in the couple

The lack of passion in a couple is one of the problems that causes the most dissatisfaction in the world of relationships. Finding someone to be with can be difficult, but it is much more difficult to maintain a healthy and long-lasting relationship. For this reason, more and more psychologists are concerned about finding the best way to achieve this.

In this article we are going to study the importance of passion in relationships, as well as the best ways to rekindle it when it disappears. To do this, we first need to understand why it arises and what function it has.

What exactly is passion?

We understand passion as a feeling that leads us to feel attracted and excited in front of a person. In general, It is considered one of the three fundamental components of relationships. In Sternberg’s triangular theory, feeling passionate about our partner is an essential requirement to develop complete love.

However, why does this feeling arise? What is its function in people’s lives? The most accepted explanation today is the one given by evolutionary psychology. According to this discipline, The way to understand our emotions is to observe what function they fulfilled when we appeared as a species..

Thus, this approach believes that passion served our ancestors to ensure that they reproduced. When a couple was formed, both members felt a great desire that led them to maintain relationships almost constantly. Later, once the children were born, it made no sense for this emotion to continue to exist.

Evolutionary origin of lack of passion in a couple

If we observe what happens in current couples, we will see that Its evolution follows exactly the pattern we have just described.. When two people start dating, they go through what is known as the limerence period. During this time, both members of the couple feel an excessive attraction for the other person. At the brain level, all types of neurotransmitters (serotonin, oxytocin, etc.) are released and passion reaches its highest point.

However, once the relationship progresses, This initial energy is extinguished and a lack of passion begins in the couple.. The other two factors (commitment and intimacy) are taking center stage, and sexual desire is fading little by little.

Some research has even shown that intimacy and passion are incompatible to some extent. Oxytocin, the main hormone that strengthens the love bond, is also responsible for reducing the sexual desire that the members of a couple feel for each other.

Therefore, the first thing to understand about the lack of passion in a couple is that It is something totally normal. Humans are not evolutionarily made to have a relationship all our lives. But does this mean we can’t achieve it? According to some experts such as Helen Fisher, this is not necessarily the case.

How to recover passion in a couple

We have seen that our biology is not going to help us maintain a strong desire within a stable relationship. Once the limerence wears off, the magic of the beginning gradually fades away. However, There are other factors that can help us solve the lack of passion in a couple.. Below we will see some of them.

1- Share strong emotions together

Dozens of research have shown that living intense experiences can awaken passion again in a couple. Thus, extreme sports, a trip to the amusement park or even watching a horror movie can serve to increase sexual desire when it begins to weaken.

2- Constantly improve

One of the problems why passion disappears is that people tend to abandon each other when we have a partner. Instead of trying to be as attractive as possible to the other person, we accommodate ourselves. Luckily, this trend is very easy to remedy.

If you want to solve the lack of passion in your couple, one of the most effective solutions is to work on improving yourself. This can involve many things: from going to the gym, to working on your social skills or your charisma.

3- Maintain a certain independence

Finally, to avoid some of the most detrimental effects of oxytocin on passion, It is necessary that the two members remain independent. We all like to spend time with our partner. However, doing everything together is the quickest way for the desire to fade little by little.

Therefore, if you feel that passion is disappearing from your lives, start reserving a part of your life for yourself. By becoming more independent, not only will your self-esteem increase, but your partner will begin to look at you with different eyes.

4 – Use games to rekindle passion

Getting out of the routine works outside and in bed. Within it we also tend to fall into the comfort of what is known and what is pleasant, so that the desire ends up disappearing. Therefore, a good idea is to try new positions, places or even toys and different gadgets.

Maintaining long-term passion in a relationship is difficult, but it can be achieved. The three tips you have found here will help you get started on this path. However, don’t be afraid to try other methods. At the end of the day, you and your partner are in this together.

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