The four great crises in a stable couple

Every couple goes through their crises, since a relationship of several years faces different significant changes in its evolution.. These crises can make the couple consider the future that awaits them together, and help both analyze the dynamics they maintain in the present. But, they can also give way to anxiety and insecurity, especially if members tend to doubt their decisions.

However, crises in a stable couple are, basically, natural. Although they generate certain instability and insecurity, they also represent an opportunity to adjust the relationship. Loose ends or conflicts left unresolved may emerge at these stages. It depends on the couple if they take advantage of this to finish resolving what is pending or if they turn it into an opportunity to deepen the distance.

In addition crises in a stable couple occur when stages are completed. Therefore, the usual thing is that these moments of instability are classified according to the length of time the couple has been together. From that point of view, there are four major moments of crisis: the one-year crisis, the three-year crisis, the 10-year crisis, and the empty nest crisis. Let’s see.

1. The one-year crisis, the end of limerence

Limerence is a concept coined by Dr. Dorothy Tennov, in her work Love and limerence: the experience of being in lovepublished in 1977. There, this notion is defined as that romantic status and obsessive, in which there is a strong attraction towards another person and a very intense desire to be reciprocated.

The end of limerence usually gives rise to the first of the crises in a stable and This happens approximately a year, or a year and a half after starting the relationship.. The main characteristic is that the idealization that has been made of the other is diluted.

In this sense, each member of the couple begins to see the flaws of his partner and tries to recover personal spaces that he left aside for the relationship. A lot of relationships end at this time, if there is no solid bond to sustain them.

2. Three years: the second crisis in a stable couple

More or less, around the age of three the second crisis occurs in a stable couple. Given that, During this stage, desire appears to go to the next level. If you still do not live together, that level will be that of coexistence. But, if you already live together, the idea of ​​having children may appear on the horizon.

What floats in the air is the need to increase the degree of commitment between the two. Formalize, so to speak, the existing link. At that point, the relationship is re-evaluated and the result can be one of two scenarios: either it actually goes to the next level, or a breakup occurs because one of the two does not feel ready for it.

3. The 10-year crisis

The 10-year crisis usually focuses on two fundamental aspects: children and sex. Regarding children, this stage is when couples shift their attention to them and confront their parenting styles. More than in terms of a couple, we think in terms of family.

Sex, for its part, has taken a backseat. Doubts and disagreements then arise, because everyone wants to feel attractive again. and wants sexuality to have prominence again in their life. All of this, together, can lead to a rebirth of the relationship or mark an end to it.

4. The empty nest crisis

Couples who have managed to navigate cohabitation successfully and achieve balance in the relationship must face a “last crisis.” It is called empty nest because it takes place when the children grow up and leave home. At that point, the couple must refocus on the relationship and this may not be so simple.

Over the past few years, both have changed a lot. They know each other in their family roles, but individually they could feel a certain mutual strangeness without the presence of that filter that is their children.. That is when they must reinvent the relationship to continue together or decide that they no longer have anything in common and it is time to once again search for an individual destiny.

Finally, we emphasize that all crises in a stable couple are also opportunities to rethink the relationship. Given that Both of you should reevaluate whether it is best for both of you to continue or break up. If you do not get carried away by impulses and weigh your decisions carefully, you will be more likely to choose the best option.

For its part, it is pertinent to take into account that The times mentioned above are approximate based on the average. Each couple is a world and goes through the different stages at their own pace. In this way, there will be relationships that experience the first crisis after a year and a half, while others go through it after two years, for example.

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