The best state of life is not to be in love, it is to be calm

Over time, we usually discover that the best state of life is not to be in love, but to be calm. Only when a person manages to find that inner balance where nothing is left over and nothing is missing, is that when they feel more fulfilled than ever. Love can appear then if it wants, although it is not a mandatory necessity.

It is curious how most of People still have the main objective of finding our perfect partner. We increasingly have more applications on our mobile devices to make these searches easier. There is also no shortage of classic prime-time television programs aimed at the same purpose. We search and search in this vast ocean without having first made an essential journey: that of self-knowledge.

The fact of not having made this necessary pilgrimage through our interior, delving into voids and needs, means that sometimes we end up choosing unwise travel companions. Ephemeral relationships that remain inscribed in the loneliness of our pillows, already so full of broken dreams and stifled tears. So much so that There are many people who spend a large part of their life cycle jumping from stone to stone, from heart to heart, storing disappointments, bitterness and sad disappointments.

In the midst of this scenario, as Graham Greene said in his novel “The end of the romance” We only have two options: look back or look forward.. If we do it hand in hand with experience and wisdom we will take the right path: the one within. There where we can put the labyrinth of our emotions in order to find the precious balance.

The best state of life is to be calm

Tranquility is by no means the absence of emotions. Nor does it imply any renunciation of love or that passion that dignifies us, that which gives us wings and also roots. The calm person does not avoid any of these dimensions, but he sees them from that perspective where one knows very well where the limits are, where that temperance that like a lighthouse in the night illuminates our inner peace.

We live in a mass culture where we are urged to look for a partner as if in this way we could finally achieve the longed-for self-realization. Phrases like “When he has a girlfriend he will settle down” or “All your sorrows will be relieved when you find your ideal man.”they do nothing more than constantly annul our identity to erect an absolutist and erroneous idealization of love.

The best state of the human being is therefore not to love until it is annulled. It is not giving everything until our vital rights are blurred just by that unfathomable fear of being alone. The best state is to be calm, with adequate inner harmony where there is no room for emptiness, for desperate attachments or impossible idealizations.

Because love, no matter how much we are told, does not always justify everything. Not if it means abandoning ourselves.

How to find inner tranquility

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry once said that the field of consciousness is limited: it only accepts one problem at a time. This phrase contains an obvious reality. People accumulate in our minds an endless number of problems, objectives, needs and desires. The curious thing about all this is that There are those who come to believe that love solves everythingwhich is that multipurpose balm that solves everything, that orders everything.

However, before jumping into the void hoping to be lucky in love, the best thing to do is to go little by little. The first thing will be to find that calm, that inner tranquility where we can reorganize our personal puzzles. to acquire strength and temperance. Let us now reflect on a series of dimensions that can help us achieve this.

Keys to finding internal balance

Believe it or not, throughout our life cycle this moment will always come. That moment when we say to ourselves “I want calm, I want to find my inner balance” to be calm. It is an exceptional way to promote our personal growth and to achieve it, there is nothing better than promoting these changes.

The first thing we will do is learn to discriminate which relationships that we have in this present, are not satisfactory to us. No one will be able to find that long-awaited peace of mind if they have a harmful link between those family, friendship or work ties.The second step is to make an essential decision: stop being victims. In a way, we all are in some aspect: victims of those harmful ties mentioned above, victims of our insecurities, our obsessions or limitations. We must be able to reprogram attitudes to fuel enough courage to tear down all these barbed wire fences. Once the two previous steps have been achieved, it is necessary to reach a third and wonderful step. We must have a purpose, a clear and defined determination: to be happy. We must cultivate that simple happiness in which one, finally, feels good for who he is, for what he has and for what he has achieved. That complacency nourished by the roots of self-love will undoubtedly provide us with great balance.

People in whose hearts balance breathes and in whose minds tranquility dwells do not see love as a need or as a desperate longing. Love is not something that comes to rescue them, because the calm person no longer needs to be saved.. Love is a precious treasure that one finds and decides, of one’s own freedom and will, to take care of it as the most beautiful dimension of the human being.

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Images courtesy of Francine Van Hove