The art of lying to yourself (self-deception)

The word self-deception refers to the phenomena related to lying to oneself. This is one of the great traps of the mind. Self-deception occurs in those situations in which we convince ourselves of a reality that is false, but we do it unconsciously.

The difference between lying and self-deception is that, in lying, the person is aware that they are not telling the truth. While in self-deception, a reality that is false is accepted as truth without being aware of it.

In other words, Those who deceive themselves do not realize that they are doing it, or at least they do not always realize it, and that is precisely where the power of self-deception lies. While we do not realize it, self-deception displays its power; in its own way, which we could describe as silent and chameleon-like.

There are different types of self-deception, some being more common than others. Furthermore, each of them has different psychological effects. The four most common types of self-deception and their main psychological effects are explained below.

1. Functional self-deception

Functional self-deception is observed in situations in which the person lies to themselves seeking to convince themselves that their decision is the correct one. The best-known example of functional self-deception is found in the fable of the fox and the grapes.

In this fable, the fox, characterized by her cunning, is attracted to a succulent bunch of grapes and tries to reach it by jumping repeatedly. After a few failed attempts, the fox stops trying and faces her frustration by deceiving herself. Thus, she convinces herself that she no longer wants the grapes, thinking that they were not ripe enough.

The self-deception described in the fable of the fox and the grapes is called functional self-deception. This has a very clear function (and hence its name): the fox finds the act of lying to herself useful to avoid the discomfort that derives from the failure of not having satisfied her need to reach the grapes.

The problems of functional self-deception

Short-term functional self-deception is adaptive, but in the long term it is neither positive nor beneficial. The psychological effect produced is achieved because the person decides to transform a truth (not being able to achieve a goal) into a lie that reassures them (the goal is not worth it).

According to psychologist Giorgio Nardone, any good intention, if repeated excessively, becomes negative and counterproductive. In other words, Everything that is functional, if prolonged for too long or taken in large doses, produces the opposite effect to the desired one.

Thus, the person who uses functional self-deception she doesn’t challenge herself and consistently stays within her comfort zone. Because instead of preparing to acquire the skills necessary to achieve the goal you want, you continue lying to yourself, thinking that what you wanted is no longer as valuable or that it is not worth the effort required to achieve it.

2. Value to believe

The self-deception called “valuing is believing” arises from the need to end cognitive dissonance. The self-deception of “valuing is believing” is characterized by the conviction that if something costs a lot of money, time or effort, we give it more value than what we have not paid such a high price for. Hence, for example, we value belonging to a group that has been difficult for us to join more than another to which we have not.

In situations where a person has to work hard to achieve a goal, whether the goal is attractive or not, your attention is selectively directed to everything that confirms that your goal is valuable. You end up believing that the goal is valuable to justify the investment made. Otherwise, the dissonance that we pointed out at the beginning would appear.

Where does this self-deception come from?

As Psychologically, human beings cannot maintain a contradiction for long. between our cognitive system (beliefs, thoughts and ideas) and our behavioral system (actions, behaviors), self-deception “value to believe” appears as a way to resolve the contradiction.

The main psychological effect of this self-deception is that it keeps the person striving to achieve a goal that often does not fit with their system of principles and values. It is a self-deception that has an expiration date because its effect does not last forever. In the long term, the person usually ends up being aware of this deception and feeling somewhat disappointed.

3. Consolative self-deception

Consolative self-deception is the star of self-deception and is observed very frequently in people with jealousy. Consolative lying is observed in situations in which the person lies to themselves to blame an external agent for their situation and to feel sorry for themselves.

Some examples of consolatory self-deception would be thinking that you have a phobia because “my mother gave me a fear of dogs” or thinking that “I am very jealous because my partner gives me reasons.” These are thoughts that the person frequently expresses to find comfort.

So, consolatory self-deception provides protection to self-esteem and ego. It makes us believe that nothing that happens is our fault and that we are victims of the situation. On the one hand, this is positive, since in many situations we are not 100% responsible for the circumstances we have. But on the other hand, resorting to past causes and factors external to us immobilizes us in the face of change.

The trap of consolatory self-deception

Consolative lying protects us. The problem with protection that is maintained for too long is that it prevents us from growing psychologically. The psychological effect of this self-deception is that it prevents us from facing the problems that make us feel bad. and confirms that it is impossible to overcome them.

4. Lying to others to convince yourself

One of the most subtle ways to deceive yourself is to lie to others in order to lie to yourself. These are situations in which the person transmits stories, situations and perceptions that are distorted. At first one is aware of this small distortion of reality, but little by little the person ends up being absorbed by the story of him and the character.

If this mechanism of lying to others is repeated several times, the lie becomes the truth, also for the person who created it. A possible explanation for this phenomenon lies in the fact that the brain adapts to dishonesty and lying is experienced as a reality.

It is as if the person forgets having constructed a false truth. Even in the face of empirical evidence of their own lies, these individuals manage to continue denying reality, not because of lack of honesty, but because of the same effect of self-deception.

No one is free from self-deception, it is a very common and, to a certain extent, normal psychological phenomenon. Being free from one’s own lies requires personal reflection. Diving inside yourself, knowing your values, ideals and desires is the first step to protect yourself from any self-deception and direct you towards goals that you would really like to achieve.

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