The 73 best phrases by Irvin Yalom

Irvin Yalom (1931) is a renowned American existential psychiatrist. His research on psychiatry is complemented by his fiction and non-fiction books, establishing himself as one of the most popular authors of recent decades.

As an existential psychiatrist, he has specialized in different topics, although his work in relation to death stands out. He has also delved into the dissemination of his profession, so that some of Irvin Yalom’s phrases that we collected are understood in terms of the doctor-patient relationship, or in any case operate as advice for psychiatrists.

The best phrases of Irvin Yalom

Irvin Yalom has a dozen essays, novels and short stories. Among his essays we highlight Theory and practice of group psychotherapy (1970), Existential psychotherapy (1980) and Group psychotherapy for inpatients (1983).

Of his fictional works, we highlight Every day gets a little closer (1974), The day Nietzsche cried (1992) and Schopenhauer’s cure (2005). We leave you with the best phrases from Irvin Yalom.

1. “Each person must choose how much truth they can tolerate.”

Because not all people tolerate the same degree of truth. Honesty is a value that is appreciated in society, but when it manifests itself completely it can come to displease.

2. “Life is a spark between two identical voids, the darkness before birth and the darkness after death.”

A spark that feels like a long journey, but when you are in the final hours of life, it feels like only the blink of an eye.

3. “To love means to be actively concerned about the life and growth of another.”

You cannot understand love if you do not do it from these coordinates.

Executioner of love. Psychotherapy Stories (1989) is the first book that catapulted Irvin Yalom to fame.

4. “Marriage and its train of possession and jealousy enslave the spirit.”

There are many Irvin Yalom quotes related to marriage, but this is one of the most popular.

5. “It is easier, much easier, to obey another than to command oneself.”

Partly because sometimes you do not have the disposition, the courage or the means to exercise your own will.

6. “Caring for another individual means knowing and experiencing the other as fully as possible.”

Only those who have had the opportunity to care for someone for a while can understand these words.

7. “To build children, you must first be built yourself. Otherwise you will look for children out of animal needs, or out of loneliness, or to patch up the holes in yourself.”

Many phrases by Irvin Yalom warn us about the meaning of fatherhood. In short, parenthood demands a commitment that many people are not aware of.

8. “The anguish of death is the mother of all religions that, in one way or another, try to temper the anguish of our finitude.”

As you can infer, in our list we include several Irvin Yalom quotes about death. We couldn’t expect anything less from an existential psychiatrist..

9. “All actions are self-directed, all service is selfish, all love is selfish.”

Something that can only be discovered when a deep and objective reflection is made of one’s own actions.

10. “The pain is there, when you close a door, it knocks to enter another way.”

So repressing pain does not make it go away.. On the contrary, it often causes it to increase, until, at some point, it ends up exploding unexpectedly.

11. “If one does not live at the right time, then he can never die at the right time.”

Those who pathologically fear death may miss out on the experience of living. This is because they focus more on fearing the final hours than on enjoying the present.

12. “Mature love is loving, not being loved.”

Certainly, true love is more about giving than receiving.

13. “I should have become a I before I became a us“.

Because before us there is always the I. One of Irvin Yalom’s phrases that are understood in the context of relationships.

14. “The less lived your life is, the greater your anxiety about death. The more you fail to experience your life fully, the more you will fear death.”

In these words you have the path to how to start taking advantage of your life. The fear of death is nothing more than an obstacle that prevents you from living.

15. “Life is a miserable thing. I have decided to spend my life thinking about it.”

A sentence with which almost all existentialist thinkers have felt identified.

16. “Sooner or later she had to give up hope for a better past.”

In fact, all people must give up hope for a better past. The past is what it is and it cannot be changed. What you have to do is focus on the present and the future.

17. “A man’s spirit is built from his choices.”

It is choices that make up a person’s life.

18. “I dream of a love that is more than two people longing to possess each other.”

This and other phrases by Irvin Yalom about love give us an idea of ​​what the psychiatrist thinks about this universal feeling.

19. “It is wrong to have children out of necessity, it is wrong to use a child to alleviate loneliness, it is wrong to provide a purpose in life by reproducing another copy of yourself.”

Once again we come across another of Irvin Yalom’s phrases about fatherhood. Words that every person who wants to have a child should reflect on.

20. “If we climb high enough we will reach a height from which tragedy will no longer seem tragic.”

A tragedy can change when we choose to look at it from another perspective.

21. “Only the wounded healer can truly heal.”

An idea that also applies to other circumstances in life: only a philosopher can teach philosophy or only someone who has had a child can teach principles of motherhood or fatherhood.

22. “Desperation is the price one pays for self-awareness. Look deeply into life and you will always find despair.”

As we will see in other phrases by Irvin Yalom, the author has been especially concerned with self-awareness. Despite the advantages that this brings to man, it is not exempt from several counterproductive effects.

23. “Someday soon, perhaps forty years from now, there will be no one alive who has known me. That’s when I’ll be truly dead, when I don’t exist in anyone’s memory.”

Consider that the memory of who you were will disappear the day the last person who interacted with you closely dies.

24. “Love is a way of being, a giving, not a falling in love, a way of relating in general, not an act limited to a single person.”

Because love is not a feeling that we only express towards a couple, but towards everyone with whom we relate.

25. “There are borders and there are borders. Labels make people violent.”

In addition, labels can limit you and prevent you from breaking out of a box of stereotypes.

26. “One thing that is clear to me is that it is important not to let your life get the better of you.”

On the contrary, you must be the one to take the reins and prevent them from being in the hands of fortune.

27. “Death loses its terror when one dies, when one has consummated his life.”

In these contexts there is no room to be suspicious or afraid.

28. “Dissect your motives in greater depth. You will discover that no one has ever done anything entirely for others.”

Because every action you do has some level of interest with which you benefit yourself.

29. “Isn’t it the job of a good father to let his children leave home?”

It is the task of all parents, so no major obstacles should be put in place when this moment approaches.

30. “Not taking possession of your life project is letting your existence be an accident.”

And as we have seen in other phrases by Irvin Yalom, it is something that often leads to the fear of death.

31. “I must avoid being one of those who are called good because they have no claws.”

We all have claws, but this does not imply that we should use them.

32. “More in love with desire than with what is desired.”

Another of Irvin Yalom’s short phrases about love.

33. “To the extent that one is responsible for one’s life, one is alone.”

Because until then you share the responsibility with others: your mother, your father, your siblings, your partner, friends and others.

34. “One becomes one’s own father or remains the eternal son.”

What option do you choose for your life?

35. “Now I believe that fears are not born from darkness; rather, fears are like stars: always there, but obscured by the brightness of daylight.”

We all have fears, it’s just that many haven’t dug deep enough to find their own.

36. “You must be ready to burn in your own flame. How could you become new if you had not previously turned into ashes.”

One of Irvin Yalom’s short phrases, useful from the perspective of personal development and stages of change.

37. “Whether I live long or short, I am alive now, in this moment.”

And whether you live long or short, as long as you take advantage and enjoy life, it will be long enough.

In 2014, Sabine Gigiser made Yalom’s Cure, a documentary about the life of Irvin Yalom.

38. “If we cannot embrace our own loneliness, we will simply use the other as a shield against isolation.”

Something that happens more frequently than we imagine, especially in relationships.

39. “The obsession with love often serves as a distraction, keeping the individual’s gaze from more painful thoughts.”

Words that complement the previous idea. Many times love and relationships of any kind serve as a distraction from the screams that we ignore inside.

40. “Therapists have a double function: they must observe and participate in the lives of their patients.”

As we told you at the beginning of Irvin Yalom’s sentences, the psychiatrist ventured into disseminating how to improve the profession for all those who are interested in it.

41. “Self-awareness is a supreme gift, a treasure as precious as life.”

Although to reach it you must cross a field of thorns and the top is not always as clear as you expected.

42. “Eternal recurrence means that every time you choose an action you must be willing to live it for all eternity.”

Partly because this choice is mediated by your values ​​and principles.

43. “I flourish for my own good, because it pleases me, and not for the good of others. “My joy consists of my being and my flourishing.”

A metaphor with which many of our readers will feel identified.

44. “As long as there is ignorance there will be adherence to superstition. Dispelling ignorance is the only solution.”

Superstition can only live in those…