The 7 stages of separation

Gradually, I came to understand that the love comes along with the pain. And a woman calloused with so much bitterness is afraid to fall in love again. I’ve always thrown myself headlong, without brakes, into the relationships I’ve lived. The ability I have to fall in love is amazing. I’m in love with being in love. There have been so many times that I have already suffered a lot – and I have been perfecting myself in this suffering.

I found that the separation is divided into several stages. The first is grief. Don’t try to escape, you have to live it! There’s always someone well-intentioned, but clueless, who says, “Let’s go! Raise your head, let’s go out and have fun! Don’t go home suffering, no”. He is going yes! Wherever you go, you will be even more depressed. I usually put on a very sad song, which immediately brings me to tears. I throw myself on the floor and lie there with the music playing. I cry, cry a lot, sobbing. Always the same song, which comes and goes, because if it works, it’s not worth changing. There comes a time when you get tired, feel hungry and want to go to bed (because you can’t sleep on the floor after a certain age). And you’re already feeling lighter.

When the time for regret is over, you move on to the hate phase. Need to talk bad about the ex. At this point, the best thing to do is choose five people you trust who are available to take your calls several times a day. The friend, on the other end of the line, doesn’t need to say anything, just listen, while you talk about the hurt, put it out, plan revenge, set up a beating (which is what he deserves)… That way, if deflate that feeling of anger and, without even realizing it, elaborate on what is going on.

After anger, you become a stalker. He is a kind of detective, who spends the day behind the creature on the internet, on social networks, paying attention to who he likes, who likes his posts, who he pokes, which friends he added after the separation. And, when you get stuck with someone, a suspect, you root for her to be a tacky one, one of those who only post self-help phrases or pictures of pets. And of course she yearns more than ever to be ugly. Then you realize that you are spending hours investigating the other’s life and that this false sense of control can become an addiction. And this is where the “just for today” phase begins – just for today I won’t be snooping on his profiles.

In the acceptance stage, you resign yourself to the fact that it’s over, you assume that both of you made a mistake, that there were expectations that were impossible to meet. Forgiveness comes. Whatever the other person did, you have to overlook it. Remission frees us to continue our journey. We forgive not for the other person, but for ourselves.

Anyway, free to love again, comes the fear of not being able to do it anymore. It seems that everyone becomes uninteresting. Libido goes almost to zero, and you no longer believe in love, nor do you feel horny. And she concludes, wisely: “Life has already given me every chance to love. You’ll see mine are gone! Okay, after all I lost my virginity at 15 and if I’m 45 now I had sex for 30 years. It’s already good”.

But it is enough for someone to appear to awaken the passion again, a feeling that remains alert within each person. Just like everything in life, love is marked by cycles: it has a beginning, a middle and an end. And every beginning is guided by a single wish: that it be forever.