The 5 love languages ​​according to Gary Chapman

We all know that love has a thousand ways of expressing itself, and that sometimes, the way the other person does it is not always similar to ours. However, this does not mean that they love us any less. Because love has forms, unique ways and its own languages ​​that you have to know how to understand to give shape to this intense emotion, but so full of fabulous nuances.

Love is universal, but like language itself, it can be expressed in ways we didn’t always know. That is why Gary Chapman, well-known writer and philosopher, became a best-seller in 1995 with the book The 5 types of love languages. It was he who wanted to teach us to understand this dimension much better, to express it and also to know how to receive it. Let’s see it in detail.

What are love languages?

As this author reveals to us, each of us usually has between one and two types of language with which we feel more comfortable to express ourselves and with which we better capture the love that comes to us from outside. Knowing them, knowing which one fits us, will allow us, for example, to understand ourselves much better.

Only then will we know how we love, how we expect the other to do so, and how we can reach a perfect balance in the relationship. It’s not that it’s incompatible to speak different love languages ​​and have a healthy relationship, but everything will go more smoothly if you agree on them. If not, more careful work will have to be done on communication and mutual understanding.

What are the different love languages, then? Let’s see the 5 that Chapman differentiated in his book below.

1. Physical contact

Physical contact is one of the simplest love languages ​​to communicate, the one that does not need words. People who prefer this language enjoy caresses, hugs, and feel comforted in the arms of others or with joined hands..

Thus, in our early childhood, this is the type of language that nourishes us the most, the one that offers us relief, security, and affection. As we grow, that need does not fade: we continue to feel relief when being held or held in our arms, we enjoy that physical contact from the people we love.

Among all the love languages, this is undoubtedly one of the most powerful. Furthermore, studies such as the one carried out in the Carnegie Mellon University they tell us that Gestures such as hugs or caresses raise our defenses and help us fight numerous diseases and infections.. An undoubtedly interesting fact that is worth taking into account.

2. Words of affirmation

Caresses shape love, we know. However, words give it expression, meaning and direction. Here are the people who need words of affection, praise, calm through a good speech, motivation with well-written fragments. Your way of expressing will be more defined with love letters. In this way, they feel freer to express everything they feel through words.

Words have incredible power and leave their mark on our behavior, even if they only appear fleetingly.. Being aware of the power we have with the language of love through words makes us create a new world to express and receive affection and affection.

3. Deep love languages: quality time

Spending time with the people we love is a way to express what we feel for them. Searching our agendas for quality time, complete and full, dedicated body and soul to the person who accompanies us is not only advisable, it is necessary.

However, as curious as it may seem, we often neglect this dimension.. When we love, sometimes we take everything for granted. We think that our children will always be there, that our partner will have no doubts, that routine does not have to erode pacts and commitments.

However, love languages ​​as we know differ from person to person. What may not be relevant for us is relevant for others, for those who love us. Love, let us remember, is expressed by sharing life and small moments. In fact, sometimes it is not enough to just “be there”, our presence must be significant.

4. The gifts

There are people who enjoy when they receive gifts and also when they themselves are the ones who give them others. Now, they do not have to be material objects or objects of high economic cost. A detail is offered and expressed in many ways, but it must always comply with certain rules: that Gift will be a way to express love for the other and never an end to achieve something.

5. The last of the love languages: acts of service

This section describes the acts or tasks that the other performs as a way of communicating what they feel. The examples that come to mind are diverse: preparing food with love, having surprising details, taking care of the home in which you live, taking care of others when they are sick… They are simple acts, but they demonstrate interest in others and that we all need to feel. .

Thus, as explained in a study by Dr. Jacqueline Olds, associate professor of psychiatry at the Harvard Medical Schoolin our daily lives we sometimes neglect these dimensions. Work, stress, children and other factors cause us to neglect these very basic, essential dimensions.

Knowing the five love languages ​​that Gary Chapman described in his day, it may now be easier to see that love is not always expressed in the same way for everyone. However, we always have time to master them all to know how to love with more letters and with more world.