Tell me what you brag about and I’ll tell you what you lack

The saying goes “Tell me what you brag about and I’ll tell you what you lack” to summarize those cases in which a person attributes a virtue, but quickly gives signs that contradict what he proclaims. In this case, what is “promoted” is some trait or attribute that the person attributes to themselves.

Not always when a person speaks with pride about what he is or has done is he a carrier of this logic.. What reveals the existence of this mechanism of boasting precisely what one lacks is the fact that there is “a plus” in such an attitude.. She emphasizes it too much and too often. It is held as a flag. There is an exaggeration that is noticeable.

In reality, whoever is immersed in this mechanism is not aware of it. Quite the opposite. The real person believes that promoting certain ideas or values, using themselves as a model for it, is a genuine crusade. Ultimately, his intention is not so much to convince others, but rather to persuade himself that this is true.. All the time they try to prove what they preach with concrete actions and arguments.

You boast in excess of what you would like to be, but you are not

What seems like a charlatan who preaches more than he applies is actually a person trapped in the framework of a defense mechanism. This mechanism is known as “reactive training” and consists of implementing a behavior to avoid a repressed desire.. In other words, the person desires something that seems reprehensible. And to defend himself from that unconscious impulse, he begins to act by forcing himself to do the opposite.

Examples abound. This is the case of those who want to eat their fill, but believe that this desire is reprehensible because they can gain weight and be rejected.. So they fanatically dedicate themselves to promoting diets and being disgusted by junk food. Or those who have very intense sexual desires, but consider them sinful and for that reason they set up a crusade in the name of chastity.

Much more common is the case of people who go out of their way to pay attention to someone who, deep down, they hate or despise. It is not that the person deliberately lies or pretends, but that he is unable to recognize his own feelings. due to a self-imposed moral censorship.

Reactive training can be directed at a specific aspect, such as order or hygiene, for example. But also can become a pattern of behavior that is installed in the personality structure. In that case, there is a kind of “false personality” in which virtually all of an individual’s actions are directed toward holding up the mask. They are the type of people who are told “You brag about what you are not.”

You brag to defend yourself

What hinders the expression of desire is an extremely rigid moral conscience, or an external command that you fear to transgress. That’s why you brag about what you’re not, without that really being your intention. What allows you to identify that a reaction training mechanism has been put in place is the emphatic or exaggerated nature of the words or actions. The “No” that is too forceful, or the “Yes” that is especially highlighted, are signs that there is a hidden desire that guides the opposite.

Currently, social networks are a true catalog of this mechanism.. Sometimes, it seems that they have been designed precisely so that each person proves to be “something” that they probably are not. You show smiling photos, even if you are not as happy as you were portrayed. You brag about your trips, your new jobs, your achievements, but there will be something uncertain about it when you need others to recognize it.

Reactive formations can give rise to an obsessive personality. You presume to be something you are not, or to think something you don’t think and in order to sustain this self-deception you have to be alert all the time. Constantly monitor yourself and prove at every turn that you are not worthy of any suspicion. The situation can become overwhelming, because the repressed desire will return again and again and you will feel besieged by it.

Who are you really?

In that desire to put under control the unconscious desire that you do not want to accept, you may experience a great deal of anguish. An enormous inner tension can be generated, between what is trying to express itself and the enormous effort you must make to “keep it at bay.” Ask yourself, who am I really and what do I want from life? Sometimes, we insist on pretending to live a life full of falsehoods to feel important and thus fill an inner emotional void. But why don’t we go for what we want? Maybe out of fear, modesty or pure laziness. It is essential to sit down and rethink what we want.

If we are not able to connect with ourselves, our strength may be diminished and we may develop compulsive behaviors. Therefore, we must not forget our desires regardless of what they hold. Think that they become harmless only when you recognize them, then you decide, consciously, whether or not to put them into practice.

Carrying out a sincere introspection exercise free of prejudice will help us connect with our inner self. In this way, little by little we will get to know each other and fill that void that leads us to push away something that we are not. When our behavior is consistent with what we think, we will not need to boast about anything to attract attention. He “Tell me what they brag about and I’ll tell you what you lack.” It will have come to an end and we will be complete people.

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