Expectations ensure frustration

Far from being a driving force for success, expectations tend to be a source of inexhaustible stress and anxiety, especially when it comes from loved ones. We explain how erroneous expectations can influence your daily life.

Expectations are formed by assumptions about what we believe should be, based on what we have been taught and learned. Many times The expectations we have are far from reality and we find ourselves full of frustration.. When what we expected does not fit what happens, suffering appears.

It is inevitable to have expectations about something or someone. We all form them as an automatic process of our mind. We have, in turn, expectations of ourselves, of how we should behave or what we should aspire to. Most of them imposed by the society and culture in which we live. Since we were little we are bombarded with what our lives should be like and we try to reach that ideal.

The beliefs that we form build our world and our reality. Expectations are a key element, influencing how we relate to others, and the image we have about ourselves. Through them, we cling to “how” what happens should be and we lock ourselves in a single possibility. That is the beginning of many frustrations!

“A self-fulfilling prophecy is an assumption or prediction that, by the sole reason that it was made, makes the assumed, expected or prophesied event a reality and thus confirms its own ‘accuracy’.”

-Paul Watzlawick-

We influence and are influenced through expectations

Cultural expectations are those that we share in society, about what is accepted, well seen, and what is rejected. We enter without realizing it into this game of expectations that we have formed in our culture. In this way, we try to adapt to what we are supposed to do. The intention – conscious or unconscious – is not to be isolated and excluded.

The image we have created about ourselves is loaded with expectations: from our parents, family, teachers, classmates, friends, partners, etc. From what they have expected of us, they have inevitably influenced us to create our self-concept.

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This is how the famous psychological event called the Pygmalion effect appears. The beliefs and expectations we have about a person influence their performance and way of behaving. Influencing you to generate your own belief about what you can achieve and what you cannot. That is why it is important not to condition ourselves or anyone else with our expectations.

Expectations are not divided into good or bad, they simply prevent us from being who we really want to be.

The expectations trap

Are we living the life we would really like? Are we making our decisions based on what we want? It would be good to question whether we are living according to what we want or according to the expectations that others have of us.

Having to be a good worker, a good student, a responsible person, take care of the family. Be a nice, happy girl who never causes problems; be polite, kind, etc. All of this becomes impositions that we have believed we must comply with, because we are like that and we cannot get out of that pattern.

What happens when we step outside of what is supposed to be expected of us? The frustration of people who have always seen us in that same role of meeting expectations appears. If we react in an unexpected way and decide to behave differently, our relationships change. We feel guilty for having defrauded.

Free ourselves from expectations

Freeing ourselves from the expectations that others have of us is already a big step., a difficult task that requires a lot of courage. If we also manage to understand that we have not failed and that the disappointment and frustration belongs to others, that they have formed beliefs about how we have to be under all circumstances; We will also have learned that we cannot constantly live behind that mask, and we will end up waking up from our lethargy.

In that awakening our true being emerges, we make our own decisions taking into account what we need and what we want. We begin to develop our own journey through life

Pay attention to what we experience

Our experience, what we live and learn from all the situations we go through, in some way molds and shapes our expectations, the ones we have about ourselves and about others. This learning can help us be more attentive to the present and experience what happens to us. In this way, we will put expectations aside and whatever happens we will learn from it.

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We are beginning to understand that our frustration about how we thought someone was was a product of our illusion. People are not specifically a certain way. There are many factors that influence how we behave and the decisions we make. We need processes of change, to experiment and decide what we want to be. Through experience and learning, we live in constant change. And contrary to what it may seem, this change is good, because it means that we are capable of evolving.

If you don’t wait, you won’t be disappointed.

If I have let myself down by what I expected from someone, it is my responsibility. accept that it was my belief, my expectation, the one that I have created for myself. The other person has the right to not correspond to what I expected of them. Little by little, we have been building an image of the other person, an identity created by us. So we hope that reality corresponds to our mental construction. However, when this does not happen, we suffer and blame the other person. When in reality, we should analyze if we are the ones who have created too strong an expectation about something or something.

By understanding the process and mechanism of our expectations, we reduce their importance, understanding, being more compassionate and flexible. We accept and love people and ourselves for who they are, for what we are, with our mistakes and successes. We allow ourselves to be as we need to be, we allow others to be as they need to be and as they want to be.

“Because practically everything, the expectations of others, pride, fear of ridicule or failure fades in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

-Steve Jobs-