Teen dating: how to guide children

When their teenage children come home with their girlfriend (or boyfriend) in tow, many parents are startled. First, because they discover, in practice, that they are no longer children. Then, because a thousand thoughts start to appear in the head about what the young couple should do alone.

Very calm at this moment. It’s time to make it clear to your child that he can count on you to answer questions and share emotions.

Know what to do when your child starts dating

Passion and sex in adolescence

These days it’s much easier to talk about certain topics, some of which would make our grandmothers blush. Still, when it comes to guiding children about dating and, more precisely, sex, things change.

While the son is a child, he is satisfied with simple and didactic answers. But when he grows up and becomes a young man or woman, what a difficulty! Sex educator Ana Cristina Canosa Gonçalves, from São Paulo, explains that the problem arises when sexuality becomes more concrete, leaving parents and children uneasy to touch on issues such as excitement, desire and pleasure.

To understand the size of the confusion that the subject has caused in many homes, just add two important data to the table: young people are starting their sexual life early (on average, 15 years for girls, 17 for boys) and, increasingly more, they face it with an astonishing naturalness.

A survey by the Brazilian Society of Human Sexuality showed that, today, the first time for 33% of boys and 25% of girls takes place in the youth’s own room. For these and other reasons, again, dialogue and affection are the most important resource parents have to guide their children.

How to talk to teenagers

To strengthen the relationship between parents and children, it is necessary to talk about everything with them. Instead of going straight into the subject of dating/sex, talk about other interesting topics for the young person, such as music, TV, trips and school friends, for example.

Understand what is “staying”

Teenagers, for some time now, have invented the fashion of hooking up. It means being with a partner without commitment. Psychologist Arlete Gavranic clarifies that “making out” does not necessarily involve sexual intercourse and, in general, is marked by exchanging kisses and caresses, as a way of getting to know the sensations.

She warns that this type of relationship should only draw attention if the young person demonstrates aversion to more lasting relationships, which may indicate an inability to establish bonds.

4 tips for getting along well with teenagers

The affinity and intimacy between you must be worked on from an early age. It’s no use running after the teenager asking him to open up from one hour to the next. Ideally, this friendship should begin before adolescence.

You can even be a mother and friend to your child. But take it easy. There are things he won’t want to tell you – not as a mother or as a friend. He will probably prefer to share his most secret intimacies with another type of friend. The best thing to do is respect that.

Regarding dating, once again, the ideal is to find the balance between freedom and limits. Teenagers have the right to date and it’s silly to try to forbid it. But he needs to know how far he should go.

Get it into your head that every teenager has a sex life, either with someone else or through fantasies. This is an important phase of development, in which he is discovering and forming his own identity.