Teasing and Bullying: What’s the Fun in Teasing?

When I was little, I liked to tell jokes. He saw the bumblers and told what he had seen at school. At some point, it lost its fun for me and I ended up becoming a more serious kid. One day, someone told me a joke and I said “slutty that” and the person replied “but every joke is a joke with someone”.

There is this debate about the limit of humor. If they tell a joke about the mineirinho, I might even laugh, being a miner, because maybe it’s a joke about a fictional character. Despite not being a fan of this type of thing, due to the risk of creating stereotypes (the miner, the Jew, the blonde) this type of behavior is not harmful – apart from the labels it creates – unless someone is offended.

The limit of freedom is always the freedom of the other. And here we go from a generic joke to a joke aimed at someone.

teasing and bullying

In fact, I don’t think I could ever understand that kind of behavior when I was in school. What’s the point of making fun of someone? It always seemed to me to be a “joke” in bad taste that, deep down, is extremely aggressive and aims to hurt. Making fun of a child for his ear, for being fat, for being thin, for being the best in the class…

20 years ago we didn’t talk about bullying here. Here in Minas it was mocking or enjoying (joking). In the United States the word bully means bully. So, and reality here also confirms, in general those who make fun are stronger or older. He is the one who chooses his victim for weakness, in the sense of not being able to react. Which demonstrates his cowardice – since he does not select someone his size, much less someone bigger, older or stronger.

And that point is the key to understanding that it is not a healthy game. As in Kant’s categorical imperative: an action is just if everyone can do it. For the bully, it’s ok to make fun of others but it’s not ok to be bullied. The comedian who makes fun of everyone usually doesn’t feel comfortable when it’s his turn in the circle (no matter how much he seems to tolerate it).

To make it clear that it is aggression (and not joy), I quote a passage from Skinner’s book Verbal Behavior:

“humor is concerned with forbidden subjects, particularly sex, and having aversive effects on the listener or others… It’s almost as if the community has conditioned it: you can be aggressive as long as it’s also fun” (Skinner, p. 343-344).

The effects of teasing and bullying

We all like to be praised. As Mark Twain says, “I can live two months on a good compliment.” Likewise, it’s hard to find someone who handles criticism well. It can take a lot of training and psychotherapy to be able to separate the types of criticism and live well with what others think of us.

And, of course, in childhood and adolescence, criticism can be devastating, leaving you with the impression that there is something deeply wrong with you. Like the boy who said, aged 5: “Mom, why did Heavenly Father make me so big-eared?” – we see that the child has understood that there is something wrong with him.

It could be physical appearance, perhaps a personality trait such as being more quiet or intellectual, perhaps a religious issue, in short, non-acceptance by a group in which presence is imposed can leave strong marks of suffering.

the change

Change comes from awareness of suffering and guidance from caregivers at home and at school. Many people argue that children are cruel and that’s just the way it is. Here we come to the question of human nature: are we good or bad by nature?

If we are bad, as some think, it is society’s duty to teach. If we are good, it means that the environment teaches evil. Personally, I believe that we are good and that we are learning violence. It’s easy to see this when, in a group of young children, one falls and is injured and everyone cries. Watching videotapes on TV and observing other people’s behavior when they see someone falling, we learn to laugh.

In any case, we will not reach a consensus on human nature. But it’s easy to see that we can learn to be compassionate or we can learn to be violent. It’s not about putting an end to humour, joy or the freedom to speak, but it’s necessary to see what the cost is.

What’s the point of laughing at the suffering of another human being?

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