The way couples fight in their relationships often results in indifference. Sometimes only one party postpones what needs to be talked about, but most of the time it comes from both parties.

Either way, trying to work things out through indifference won’t do any good. This solution is not healthy, mainly due to the lack of verbal and emotional intimacy that occurs during the break.

Unless we are able to communicate on an extrasensory level or through body language, words are the only tools available to resolve conflict.

It doesn’t make much sense when you’re in a relationship to resort to indifference. In addition to sabotaging the couple’s lives, indifference also stifles their need to express themselves.

When you can express your feelings freely, the chances of expressing yourself incorrectly are much lower.

Bad feelings when repressed can cause problems, because during the time the couple doesn’t talk, the bad feelings can grow and, in the end, the reason for the fight will no longer matter as much as what they are feeling at the moment.

Telling someone you are angry and explaining why will usually cut off the anger. Also, the lack of verbalization and the repression of feelings, over time, causes you to build up substantial resentment with your partner.

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If you don’t share your feelings properly, they will come out in one way or another, and you will spiral into negativity and indifference.

indifference is control

When we think about how to control other people, images of tall or aggressive individuals soon come to mind, as we think they can exert a certain form of control over others. However, we know that this is not the only way to maintain control over someone.

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There is a much more insidious form of control that can be done through indifference. When we don’t share our thoughts with others it is because we are, even if unconsciously, trying to gain some control over the situation. Through indifference we can control the behavior and reactions of the other.

People are usually a little more afraid to speak up when the other is silent, due to the fact that they don’t know how to react to the situation, the tendency is also to choose indifference.

When we resort to indifference we create an internal monologue in which we make assumptions about how the other would react if we shared what we want to say, in other words, we make a whole script in our minds presuming how the other would react.

When we do this we get stuck, even if we think we are making some progress, we are not, because in fact we are just indifferent. In these cases we must take action, otherwise the script will never leave our mind and the conversation will never develop.

On certain occasions, indifference is used as a form of punishment. When indifference is ingrained in the relationship, it is difficult to find an opportunity to resolve the problem, as it obstructs all opportunities.

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In these cases, indifference is being used to control the behavior of the other, acting as a blocker of thoughts and feelings that deprives us of the possibility of having an authentic dialogue.

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In addition to creating a giant obstacle between the couple, this situation is bad for the health of the relationship. Indifference, in some cases, can even lead to despair and depression.

It suffocates the relationship, it is highly destructive as the expression of the voice is an affirmation of life. People who generally prefer indifference may try to defend themselves, saying that “it would be useless to talk, because the other would not listen”, or that “everything I say will be used against me”, although this attitude is understandable, it is highly harmful.

But luckily we don’t need to get stuck in the quicksand that is indifference, we can learn the skill of listening and being heard by the other, that way we won’t have problems like indifference anymore. Learning to listen and be heard can seem difficult, but like all other skills, this one can also be learned.