Stop blaming others for your problems and take control

Blaming others and circumstances is an easy way to avoid taking responsibility., a way to apologize for what happens. But it is also the most effective way to lose control over one’s life.

Many people need to blame others and/or circumstances., because by feeling like victims they also justify what happens to them. So they don’t need to do anything, and it’s enough for them to complain and wait – as if that were enough.

We need to find a cause

Uncertainty is not something that is easy to live with. We need to know where, what and why, maintain control and know that somehow the problem will be solved. Thus, if it is someone else’s fault, so is the responsibility for the solution.

Finding someone to blame can give us the feeling that a problem has been solved when we have not really understood its cause and effect. But by blaming others we are left out of the game, at the mercy of what may happen, without any ability to manage ourselves.

Take control of your own life by blaming others less

Some people get the emotional satisfaction of talking about how bad other people are. However, research has found that When someone is spoken negatively about, the listener is more likely to associate the negativity with the person who speaks badly of the other.. Researchers call this spontaneous trait transfer.

It takes a great person to accept and internalize your own responsibility for what happens.. It is not about taking all the blame when there are people responsible, but about being able to accept responsibility when it really corresponds.

If everything is someone else’s fault, then what part can I play in my own life? Will my actions remain without consequences? Am I so powerless? Knowing that we can accept responsibility when things go wrong also means that we can accept The responsability when things are going well.

We have to develop the ability to be objective enough about ourselves to be able to avoid assuming that we probably never could have created problems for ourselves. We also have to distinguish between accepting responsibility and unduly punishing ourselves.

Look for the cause, but not just any cause.

If something doesn’t work, it’s easy to get creative and find some reason to blame someone else. You have to learn to relax and overcome that need to seek responsibilities as your first objective, tolerate the temporary uncertainty of not knowing until you get a broader perspective on things. You have to take time. Finding a culprit doesn’t solve anything.

You can only grow if you feed yourself correctly

Being objective when recognizing a mistake is the way to improve and develop. We do not progress as human beings simply by surviving and arming ourselves against the world. We have to develop the ability to respond to life and provide feedback to ourselves, avoiding the effects of low self-esteem or vanity.

There is no shame in making a mistake or failing at something.. Only correct feedback on the causes will allow us to take advantage of it to improve. We do not grow by avoiding errors, but by analyzing their causes and recognizing weaknesses and limitations to seek and remedy them.

Forget the guilt and focus on doing things better

For some people, guilt is everything. But then, what’s left? Does that solve anything? Forget the guilt and focus on your objective, on solving what you can and changing what is necessary to improve and do things correctly.

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