Stop allowing him to treat you like a second best option…

It’s 23 hours. You lie in bed after a long day and, as soon as your head hits the pillow, you hear your cell phone ringing alerting you to a WhatsApp message. “Hey whats up?” Probably the four most annoying words to get when your eyes are so tired you can barely understand what he wrote. And, of course, the message happens to be from the guy you thought had changed. The quasi-relationship you started three years ago and for some reason has continued ever since with sporadic phone calls and random messages with no content, like “Hey, how are you?”

You know what these messages really mean. They show up every few months, sometimes a little longer than that, when he’s thinking about you after whatever girl he was dating at the time dumps him.

Or when a date ends badly and he immediately swipes his finger over your name to call you and vent. You used to reply to these messages because, for some reason you still can’t explain, you cared about him.

You unconsciously think about all the one-hour phone calls that almost always make you late for work the next morning, and the fun times you spent together. Maybe you also feel a little guilty for keeping him around for so long. Maybe you weren’t always the first to start the conversation, but it definitely didn’t stop you from getting in touch. You didn’t block him on your phone or social media or express your anger at him when you didn’t hear from him for six months until the infamous “Hey, how are you?” message.

But now enough. That last message clarified a lot. You realized that after all this time, it was never more than a backup plan for him. You were the girl he went to when things didn’t work out with someone else. He always kept a foot in your life to make sure you were there when he needed you. If the various dating apps that he was actively using were not successful, or if he was rejected by a girl at the bar, he would immediately look up her name in his contact list. He’s smart, texting every few months just to “see how you’re doing.” You didn’t even notice his strategic planning when he would look for you when he was in town or call you at 10 am on a Saturday for coffee. It wasn’t necessarily because he wanted to see you, even though the hidden meaning behind “Hey, how are you?” may indicate otherwise.

He really wanted to make sure you were still available.

He scrolled through his Instagram and bankrupt Facebook profile so fast he expanded his radius half a dozen times, already looking for new perspectives. And every relationship he’s been in so far has only given him more ex-girlfriends than he cares to admit…

But there you are. The one person he can always turn to when times are tough. He can always count on you to answer a phone call, because let’s face it, you always answer when he calls. But no more.

He arrives! The next time the phone rings, you’ve already trained your mind to ignore it. You’re ready to click “Do Not Disturb” as soon as his name pops up on the screen to finish another little game before it even starts. You won’t let yourself get hurt in a relationship that will never come to fruition, because you know it never will.

Being someone else’s second best option isn’t something you’re willing to settle for, no matter how innocently you want to believe the generic words “Hey, how’s it going?” The person you are supposed to be with will have more than just four words to say to you. He’ll fill your inbox with kind, truthful words wanting to know about his day, not why his date with another girl didn’t work out. You would not only hear from him every few months, but every few hours, proving that you are the first person on his mind and not the last. Nothing good can come from a “Hey, how are you?” message. at 11 pm, making the best answer no answer.

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Want a man who loves you in the details