Splitting or seeing everything in black and white

Splitting is a defense mechanism that operates unconsciously. It usually forms during childhood, if the parents were too contradictory or had sudden mood swings that were inexplicable to the child.

Splitting It is a sophisticated name for a behavior that is not so sophisticated. It refers to that attitude that some people have, according to which everything that is observed and happens is black or white. Or they say that if they don’t have everything, then they have nothing. Or they claim that if something is not good, then it is bad. In a phrase, fans of extremes.

Those who think and feel this way do not believe that they are wrong. They consider themselves rather defined people, who do not like half measures. However, this way of seeing the world does tend to bring them difficulties and suffering. They generally complain a lot about what they perceive as a lack of clarity in other people and situations.

“The balance, that is the secret. Moderate extremism”.

-Edward Abbey-

Those who are victims of splitting They get angry frequently. Many times They feel disappointed because they go beyond idealization to the devaluation of people and situations, quickly. Since this purism only lives in their mind and desires, they become repeatedly disillusioned. Unfortunately, all this happens unconsciously and that is why they do not realize that it is their own perspective that is hurting them.

The origin of splitting

Nobody falls into it splitting just because. Nor do they develop that extremist perspective because they find it wonderful. What’s behind this attitude It is a deep longing for certainties and an enormous desire to have solid foundations. to look at the world and position oneself in it.

It is very common that behind the splitting there is a difficult childhood, alongside dysfunctional parents. The origin of this way of seeing life is, most likely, in those authority figures in childhood, who were unpredictable and erratic. Today they could be in an excellent mood and be loving, but two days later they were intolerant of the most absurd little things.

This term should not be confused with the German spaltung, a word used by psychoanalysis to refer to the splitting of the self.

These types of contexts usually become an obstacle to full moral development, which in turn implies cognitive stagnation. In other words, in an environment In that style it is very difficult to learn what is good and bad. Much more difficult still to qualify the wide range that exists between one extreme and the other.

Read Also: Contextual psychology: what it is and what type of therapies exist

Splitting, a defense mechanism

Seeing the world in black and white is a way of defending ourselves from that instability and imprecision that confused us. both when we were children. We respond to the incomprehensibility of our parents’ erratic behaviors with a kind of overcompensation. Our mind responds to a lack of clarity by trying to generate absolute clarity. Is it or is not it. Or white, or black.

When someone is a victim of splitting He cannot bring his positive and negative feelings together in the same bag. You adore someone and then you hate them. Or vice versa. She believes everything they tell her or she doesn’t believe anything they tell her. They don’t do it deliberately. It is a mechanism that appears automatically when ambiguity or paradox arises. This uncertainty causes them emotional pain and they respond by becoming radicalized.

Those who have this type of behavior have a hard time establishing empathy with others.. In fact, they have a hard time understanding themselves and often project this lack of understanding onto others. That’s why they tell them that it is they, with their ups and downs, who are wrong. They do not notice that their scheme condemns everyone to error.

Overcome the difficulty

As often happens in the psychological world, not all people experience life in the same way. splitting, neither in content nor in intensity. In principle, if you think that this phenomenon is present in your life, It would be good to try something that could work: avoid saying words that are too categorical: “always”, “never”, “bad”, “good”, etc. Look for more precise terms to describe the world.

Read Also: Not being able to get out of bed: when spirits fail

When the splitting is much more marked, it is possible that the previous technique will not help much. In these cases, professional attention is required. to remove from the way those obstacles that prevent full ethical, emotional and cognitive maturation. It is necessary to restructure our perspective to make it more realistic.

Psychological treatment for splitting

In addition to the previous technique, other more structured solutions suitable for serious cases of this behavior are suggested in therapy. Let’s see them in detail:

Dialectical Behavior Therapy: It consists of integrating apparently opposite concepts through dialectic, so that a balance is found between the extremes.Gestalt Therapy: It is, again, about achieving the integration of concepts, but working on the patient’s own identity. In this way, one accepts one’s own polarities naturally, seeing them as complementary rather than opposite.

Conclusion

We all wish reality were simpler, but it is not. Between black and white there is too wide a range of grays. Each person and aspect of reality has many facets. You can be good and bad, smart and clumsy, happy and unhappy at the same time. What is human is precisely that: a wide range of colors beyond black and white.