Those who don’t look don’t always mean they don’t miss it. I was thinking about it here and I came to the conclusion that sometimes we want to be with someone a lot, we miss that someone but prefer not to go after it because we don’t know if that person wants us there, because we don’t find reciprocity, because we don’t find reasons to stay, for not being sure of absolutely anything.

Sometimes, as much as we miss and want to be with that person, if there is no reciprocity, it’s not worth insisting, it’s not worth going after, it’s not worth looking for that person.

Sometimes we just know that it’s not worth showing anymore. We know it’s not worth sending a message to that person because they will be ignored. We know that it’s not worth leaving pride and vanity aside to say “I miss you” because in the end the longing will not be reciprocal.

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We know that if we call, the call will be rejected, we know that it is no longer worth demonstrating because we know it won’t make any difference to the other person.

I’ve missed someone to such an absurd level that I couldn’t do my things right, I couldn’t focus on my projects or move on with my life quietly because every now and then the longing knocked on the door and it hurt a lot. But still, I didn’t look for the person.

I didn’t look because I knew she was fine without me, because I was sure my absence wasn’t hurting her as much as her absence hurting me.

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I already missed someone I really liked, someone I really wanted to stay in my life. But I understood that wanting to explore the world with someone is sometimes not enough if the other is not in the same boat as you, much less willing to enter the same journey.

I’ve lost sleep over someone I really wanted to be with me, I’ve already wanted to put my pride aside, send a message or call to say: “I need to see you”, but because I realized that maybe saying what I felt it didn’t mean anything to the other, I preferred to remain silent.

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I was once that person who opened the chat, wrote, wrote, but didn’t have the courage to send anything. I was once that person who visited the other’s profile just to see if there was any sign that the person had left for another person so that I could somehow try to gain strength to move on and reduce the longing. I used to be that person who kept rehearsing what to say if I found the other around.

I’ve been that person who, many times, had to control anxiety not to look for someone who had run away from me, not to run after someone who didn’t deserve it.

I was once that person who thought of screaming for the whole world to hear that I missed it, but I had to choose to swallow the longing dry and understand that longing when it’s not reciprocal, the best thing to do is simply to pretend that you don’t feel it, one day at a time. people get used to it and it goes away.

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Sometimes a person doesn’t look because they are waiting for the other person to look first. It’s childish, I know. But just imagine the fear of running after someone who doesn’t give a damn about you. Sometimes people really fucking miss it, but they don’t look because they know that looking, maybe, doesn’t make any difference. Maybe the other doesn’t even care.

I already missed someone but I didn’t look for it, and I organized all the confusion that homesickness caused by myself. I cried but I didn’t look, because one day I said to someone: “I miss you” and I saw that someone visualize and never respond.