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Sometimes holding on does more harm than letting go.

Start reflecting and ask yourself the following question: Do you think there is something in your life thanks to which you are happy and without which you could not function? You can also formulate it another way: is there something that I think I need and should get, otherwise my life has no meaning?

If you answered yes, you are probably being a slave to attachment. When we suffer from attachment, we unrealistically believe that the bond we have created with that particular person or thing will give us three things that human beings have always sought and tried to achieve: one of them is happiness, that feeling of well-being. and pleasure so longed for but we don’t really know where it comes from.

When we are obsessed with something or someone, we mistakenly think that we feel happiness thanks to it, to that something that is outside of us instead of thinking that it comes from ourselves, from whether or not we appreciate the things we have, from if we complain to a lesser or greater extent about what we lack and how we manage what we tell ourselves.

On the other hand, When we are attached, we think that we have total security. It is as if this object of attachment protects us from mental catastrophes such as loneliness, economic security or a comfortable life.

We can observe this in many unhealthy couples in which one of the members is dependent on the other even though everything is torment and love is conspicuous by its absence. The attached person remains in that relationship because of their irrational fear of being alone in the world. He has created a catastrophe that blocks him and prevents him from making a decision in accordance with logic and his own well-being.

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In addition to happiness and security, When we hold on, we think that our life has meaning thanks to what we are clinging to and that if we ever lost it, life would stop being pleasant, we would lose our direction and our hopes.

Obviously, these are nothing more than fantasies that human beings create in our minds and that cause us to suffer in an exaggerated way. Clinging to something or someone generates a lot of pain, as well as anguish and concerns. If we become obsessed, we will always be anxious due to the possibility of losing what we worked so hard to achieve and that we believe gives meaning to our existence.

“Our problems are due to a passionate attachment to things and desire that are never completely satisfied, so they generate even more anguish. We perceive things as permanent entities. In the pursuit of these objects of our desire, we employ aggression and competition as supposedly effective tools, and we increasingly destroy ourselves in the process.”

-Dalai Lama-

Furthermore, if one day we lost it, we would fall into a deep depression, because since we have believed that our source of well-being and happiness was that person, object or idea, we will think that there will be nothing that will make us feel that way again and we will feel very unhappy

How do I know if I suffer from attachment?

Being attached to something or someone can go unnoticed because we have the great ability to self-deceive. Learn to recognize some of the signs that you are holding on too much:

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If you notice that you are obsessed: you are suffering from emotional attachment if you realize that your desires have become absolutist needs, that you are no longer satisfied, but that you need more and more to be well. You no longer prefer or want, but rather you need to be very close to that source of happiness to be able to function properly in life. It is something similar to what happens with drugs, the addict needs a higher dose each time to be able to feel the same pleasure as at the beginning.

Lack of self-control: People attached to something are not able to regulate their own behavior and carry out compulsive, visceral actions, without logical reasoning. It is as if one were out of oneself and became a slave to the external. He stops being the owner of his own life and becomes dependent on the object of his attachment.

Exaggerated suffering if what I am attached to is not nearby: A very powerful emotional cocktail similar to withdrawal syndrome is prepared in our body and it is because I do not have my object of desire at my side.

Maintain the obsessive bond even if it hurts us: If you know that this is making you suffer and you continue in that same situation without finding the strength to let go, you are clinging and you believe that you cannot live outside of there… You mistakenly believe that life will be even worse if you get out of that situation, but The truth is that it is that situation that does not let you see everything that life has to offer you. You are blindfolded and are not able to see beyond.

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Learn to let go

To grow emotionally and feel like stronger, freer, and more independent people, we have to practice the philosophy of detachment. or detachment. It doesn’t mean that I have to take out of my life everything that I like or that gives me pleasure, but only that which I am obsessed with, that which I believe you need to be happy and without which I cannot function properly.

It is about not being a slave to anything or anyone, but about being our own master, the owner of our life. To do this you have to practice some steps:

Change the “need” to the “desire” or “I prefer” Be aware that we are not owners of anything or anyone and therefore nothing belongs to us, but we can enjoy what we have in the present moment.Be passionate and excited, but without suffering for it since we really “don’t need it.”Practice detachment in your daily life: throw away what you hardly use anymore, radically cut off contact with that person who hurts you… be brave!

And remember…sometimes holding on does more harm than letting go!

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