She was so her, and I was so hers.

I remember when we first met. I remember how she wasn’t afraid at all to talk to me, to show interest. I remember how much I admired all that courage and audacity, and how attractive I found her knowing exactly who she was, and going to great lengths to get what she wanted.

I still remember the sweet taste of our first kiss. How delicate and intense she was, and how much she took turns getting right to the point, and making me curious to know what else she could do, what sensation she could give me.

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• how i lost you

I remember like it was yesterday, the first time I made her laugh, I was the reason she was smiling. I remember how my stomach twisted, how much it felt like there were thousands of butterflies thrashing around inside me. I remember the speed my heart raced as her laughter increased… She was so beautiful.

She had such an easy laugh. This smile, which she infects everyone, whenever she enters any place. She never skipped to distribute that laugh so real, so sincere. Every time I looked at her and saw those eyes watering, she laughed so hard, she laughed so hard, I felt like the luckiest man in the world. I was the reason for that wide smile, that delicious laugh. She was so her, and I was so hers…

I remember like it was yesterday, the first time she hugged me. I can still smell her perfume on my neck. I remember how red my face got from the fact that she put her lips to my ear, and said how good I was for her. I remember the intensity of that hug. I can still feel her arms tangled around my waist, and how perfectly she fit my chest. I remember her voice singing in time with my heartbeat. I remember how much I loved it when she sang to me, because I knew that in her audience, out of all the admirers, I was her favorite fan.

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• Screw it, I still miss you and I wish you were missing mine too

I remember when she decided to surprise me, especially in the kitchen. I loved it when she took a random shirt and went to cook with her legs out. She danced and sang while fiddling with the ingredients, and nothing in this world touched me more than watching this scene. She wasn’t ashamed of her body at all, in fact, she was proud of every imperfection in it, and it made me more and more amazed at how confident she was of herself. She was so her, and I was so hers…

I still remember the first time she said she loved me, I felt so silly, I felt so full… But that was when I felt scared. All my life I’ve been wondering who would be the person who would take my heart for themselves, who would make me immerse myself in such deep feelings. Suddenly I found myself diving headlong into such a great feeling, for such a different person. Unlike anything I had ever known. Unlike anything I expected. She thought completely different from everything I believed.

I remember when I had to choose between allowing myself to feel everything she had given me, be everything she had transformed me, or simply allowing my fear to speak louder, and my uncertainty to dictate the rules of how I should act.

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• I still love you

I still taste our last kiss. I remember how wet he was, and how salty, because of his tears. I remember how much it hurt to see her eyes water and know that I was the cause of all that pain. I remember how empty I felt when she closed the door, and didn’t look back. I remember how much I regretted being such a coward to let her go that day.

I remember how happy I was to see you last night smiling again, but I remember how much it hurt to see that the reason for your laughter was sitting next to you, doing exactly what I didn’t know how to do, actually doing her. happy. When she saw me, I still miss the intensity of the hug she gave me, how little her arms touched me, how weak her voice was when she told me to take care of myself. I remember how much I wanted to ask her to stay when she left, ask her to forgive me for all my mistakes, and say that this time I would know how to give her the true value she deserved. But it was too late…

She was still so hers, I was still so hers… but she was no longer mine.

Diandra Ferracini