Rejection, acceptance and emotional treatment

Life can teach us many things, but sometimes, it also causes us pain. Rejection is determined to be one of the greatest emotional damages that people can experience, For example, it is the one that has the most consequences if we suffer it in childhood.

An example of this could be those children who, for whatever reason, have to live with the vision of a father or mother who abandons them, who rejects them at a given moment in their childhood. They may grow up to be successful people, be intellectually brilliant, however, they have not been able to reach emotional maturity.

Nor can we forget the emotional suffering that one must face in those moments when we are rejected by those people we are attracted to.

It is clear that in our lives, not everything is going to be triumphs and achievements, but there are people who find it more difficult than others to face rejection.. Personalities for whom time seems to stop at that moment when they received a “No”, or what is worse, a contempt that they could not forget.

Establish a wall of protection

We have to be clear about it. One thing is what others may think of us, and quite another is what we really are. We can be rejected in some areas of our lives: at work, our partner… but A rejection should not be a demonstration of our limitations.
We should not rationalize what happened as an argument to see ourselves as someone who deserves to be alone, as a person with few strategies, little attractiveness or any other negative dimension. Absolutely.

Saying “I have failed” is not the same as “I am a failure.” We must avoid personal attributions. We must protect ourselves. Life will undoubtedly bring us many more possibilities, many other options for achievement, conquest, opportunities to be happier. That’s why, we have to build a protective wall to provide us security.

Rejection as a moment of crisis to overcome

We have every right to experience our moments of rejection as a moment of personal crisis. Being rejected or abandoned by our partner will require having to go through a period of emotional grief. Being fired from a job, being separated by a friend or family member, undoubtedly constitutes a moment of pain that, as such, we must experience for what it is: a loss, a moment of suffering.

But This suffering coming from rejection must be momentary and temporary. A moment of time in which to revalue what happened, in which to be with ourselves thinking about what happened to learn from it.

Learning must be obtained from every experience. It is true that sometimes there is no why. Someone rejects us and there is no way around it. But what must be avoided above all is to avoid building personal attributions: “He rejected me because I’m not attractive enough, because I’m not nice, bright, interesting…etc.” It is a very painful mistake.

What would undoubtedly be necessary would be to draw conclusions from what has been experienced.: “I have to look at other types of people who are less proud, more humble and simple”, “I have to look for a job in which they can recognize all my abilities and merits.”

That is to say, It is okay that for a certain time, we experience the pain of said rejection, a moment of introspection from which we emerge stronger. and with enough encouragement to “walk” through life with optimism again.

Avoid internalizing or personalizing

Mindfulness explains to us that we should not run away from what we feel, that we must give shape to these emotions and know how to describe them. Talk about them. This is necessary to then simply let them go. We have been rejected, we know it. But Don’t let that failure become an internal wound that prevents you from breathing, that prevents you from continuing to move forward.

That person who at one point in your life told you “no” is simply “past.” You have every right – and duty – to move forward with new strength, new projects and new hopes. We must not become victims of those who hurt us intentionally or unintentionally.

We must be heroes for ourselves, people capable of learning from our own suffering, people who have known how to transform pain into guidance, into learning, into views of a horizon in which to recover the illusion.

Do not allow the emotional pain caused by rejection to leave you suspended in a moment in the past. Life moves forward and we must move with it. Happiness can envelope us again at any moment.

Rejection and growth

Rejection can be interpreted as a failure, as a disappointment, as something regrettable. But also can be interpreted as a new opportunity. It all depends on how we want to see it. Everything in life has an end. Someone can kick us out of their life. A boss can fire us. An endless number of negative events can occur. But if we have a good disposition, that negativity will become opportunity.

As the Buddhist Master Lama states Rinchen Gyaltsen: “no matter what happens, you have to win“. What do you mean by that? That No matter what happens, we have to learn and come out stronger.. This is not a one-on-one battle. But to learn from everything that we consider rejection or failure. When someone studies mechanics, they want them to take a car to their workshop to fix it so they can fix it and test their knowledge. Buddhist teachers look forward to setbacks to help them evolve. Because if something causes them discomfort, it means that there is still something to work on. Still, discomfort is almost inevitable. The key is in our relationship with what happens.

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