Reciprocity, one of the foundations of our relationships

We live in a society where We tend to measure everything we give and also what seems fair to receive based on what we have given. We spend a lot of time valuing what others give us in exchange for our dedication. We have turned reciprocity into a currency.

And this will probably make us suffer, since we will often discover that We receive less than we think we give, something that can make us feel unfairly treated and dissatisfied with interpersonal relationships. Reciprocity is not suffering if you discover the great potential it has to allow us to enjoy relationships, as well as our dedication to others.

Reciprocity

Reciprocity is a process of exchange where mutual benefit is sought. Basically, it states that if someone does something for you, you should return the favor. The socialization process plays an important role in the development of this need for reciprocity. Through experience, we learn to share with others and be reciprocal.

This same rule leads us to have a tendency to tell aspects of our most intimate life to those who have also made a personal confession to us. And that also means that in any commercial negotiation, there is a tendency to give in to those who have previously done so as well.

Types of reciprocity

There are three main types of reciprocity:

Generalized reciprocity: involves exchanges within families or friends. There is no expectation of a returned favor. People simply do something for another person based on the assumption that the other person would do the same for them. This type of reciprocity is related to altruism.Balanced reciprocity– This type involves a calculation of the value of the exchange and the expectation that the favor will be returned within a specific time period.Negative reciprocity– This form of reciprocity occurs when one person is trying to get more than the other person. Selling a much-needed item at an inflated price is an example of negative reciprocity.

Expect from others

We tend to expect from others, at least, the same as we have given them: this brings us suffering, since we rarely feel reciprocated. We will feel frustration or that we are being used, since they have not been able to give us back as much as we expected from them.

The fact of Expecting something from others, often in a certain way and manner, and not seeing our expectations met can be a harsh disappointment. It may make us rethink continuing to give and begin to look favorably on the alternative of being more conservative.

Pleasing others

Many times, What motivates us to give something to others is an interest in their well-being. We want them to be well, to not lack anything, etc. In principle, we could affirm that we do not aim for anything else, that we do not seek anything else.

However, In those situations in which we feel bad or need support, when we perceive this lack of response, we feel even sadder. Now, when we need a hand, no one is willing to lend it to us when we, previously, have not hesitated to do so. In this way, we begin to think that what we obtain is independent of what we offer.

Need for assessment

On many occasions, although we are not aware, in the Underlying many of the behaviors with which we aim to please is the need to receive. We give, almost desperately, because we also need.

Somehow subconsciously, We believe that “if we look out for others, they will end up looking out for us” and is this a mistaken belief that will lead us towards suffering and conflicts in interpersonal relationships. Since, we have verified a thousand times that this is not the case, even though we are convinced that “it should be this way” and that is why we suffer.

It is much healthier to look for yourself, without expecting anything from others; therefore, without trying to please in order to achieve it. Of course, this does not mean that we are not going to look out for others, we will do so if we want, but avoiding making it a condition in our mind to receive something in return.

Thus, the satisfaction of giving to others will become the only reason for doing so and the main engine of reciprocity, which will continue to act but without being torture for us when it is not fulfilled or is fulfilled in a different way than wing we think.

I have the right to reciprocity

I have the right to reciprocity, which means allowing myself to receive what others want to give me, enjoying it.. If we do not expect anything from anyone, gratitude and satisfaction will be maximum.

In this way, we understand that Reciprocity is an act of freedom, and it is up to each person to decide what they want to give, when and how. And only by respecting the decisions of others can we fully enjoy the benefits of reciprocity.

each one decides

Each person decides whether to give something or do something for others.; If this is so, no one owes anything to anyone, since we are free and we have no obligation to correspond, nor do they have any obligation to us.

Thus, we will stop measuring what others give us, because it is only part of your decision, and they have no obligation to give us, even though we have already done it with them. In the same way, we will stop feeling obligated or indebted to return what was given to us.

The balance of interpersonal relationships

When we respect the decisions of others, we discover another way of understanding relationships. However, it is very likely that we will receive a lot from people we did not expect and these people will probably not be the same people to whom we gave or contributed something.

This is the balance of interpersonal relationships, which makes them exist naturally, at the same time that they surprise us in every moment where we did not expect anything and receive a lot. So, Reciprocity becomes an instrument of spontaneous exchange, of satisfaction and gratitude.

With reciprocity, well understood, we will feel freer and more owners of our own decisions, accepting and appreciating what others want to give us. By understanding reciprocity in this way we will be allowing ourselves to enjoy relationships and everything we are capable of giving in them.