Read This When You Can’t Stop Thinking About Him

Without warning, he reenters her thoughts and remains there day and night. Everywhere you look, you see your name printed in capital letters. You try to remember the last time you fought in an unsuccessful attempt to push him away. You close your eyes and embrace the silence around you, hoping to understand your emotions. And somehow it’s working. You’re starting to discover why you can’t suddenly stop thinking about him.

“This isn’t love,” you tell yourself. But it’s a little close. You are just minutes away from discovering what it is. The logical part that lives in you slowly disappears. And you start acting like a kid again. You catch yourself smiling for no reason. You rest your chin on your hands, daydreaming unconsciously.

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• Words are lost in the midst of bad attitudes and feelings are also gone

“How did this happen?” you wonder. You remember the day you first met, when he shook your hand, when you first heard him say his name. Maybe his touch melted the coldness in your heart and you weren’t aware of it at the time. Maybe when he sat inches from you, he gave signs that he was interested in getting to know you. Or maybe when you praised him for his gesture, your unconscious decided that the two of you could work together.

You wish there was a simpler way to describe what you’re feeling right now. You wish you could go straight to him and tell him how many times you’ve been thinking about him lately. But that’s too risky. You’re not bold enough to take that big step. You are afraid of having to deal with humiliation. So you choose to sit in the silence of your room, looking for clues and meaning that will convince her that he still likes you.

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• I lost myself trying to love you. Every piece and part of me became non-existent.

There is a great possibility that you will find a new love. There’s even a guy you’re interested in. But his bad experiences in the past have weakened his confidence. You have so many “what ifs” in your head. There are hundreds of questions boiling in your mind right now. Your instinct convinces you to look for more evidence, to give yourself more time. The deeper you dig to find the answers, the more confused you get.

The truth is, you are scared. You don’t want to suffer again. You’ve become so good at being alone. You have found a home in your own body. And you’re convinced you don’t need anyone else. The peace that now resides within you is threatened by a potential love story and you don’t know how to handle it properly. It’s hard to let someone into your life when you’re used to ignoring the knock on your door. It’s hard to let someone help you warm up when you’ve gotten used to the cold after so long.

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• I’m slowly learning that it’s possible to live without falling in love

You want to give love a chance, but only if there is a guarantee. You want to give him a chance, but only if he expressly asks you out. In the meantime, you will play it safe. You won’t dip a toe in the water. You will do a check on your social networks. You’ll stay where you are until it’s clear he won’t hurt you again. That he won’t end up being the guy who breaks your heart for good.

That’s how you protect yourself because you learned your lesson. Have you noticed over time that love should be peaceful and bring security to our lives. You swore to yourself that you will only share your soul with a guy who will be brave enough to say he loves you and prove it with gestures and not just words. A guy who will never make you doubt that love. You’ve become more careful about trusting your heart to the other person.

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• Thank you for giving up on me so easily, you taught me to fight for myself

What you feel for him isn’t love yet, but you’re sure it can be. The fact that you think about him from time to time means that he is still an important person to you. It’s a sign that he might be the one you’ve been waiting for. That maybe there is a future with him and you no longer have to worry about waking up to an empty bed. You don’t have to be afraid to trust someone again.

A pang of guilt hits your stomach because you’re not sure if constantly thinking about him is healthy for your life. You’re not sure if it’s necessary to make him an important part of your life. But whatever happens, whether you end up in a relationship with him or not, know that you can go back to the old days if you want to.

Over time, you can forget all about it. You can continue to thrive in this world and believe that you will be fine on your own.