put on my shoes

Put on my shoes.
Get on my feet.
Feel the calluses.
Can you tell where they come from?
I would bet you don’t, but I don’t mean to judge you, so don’t judge me either.

You don’t know my story, you don’t know everything I’ve been through and have been through.
Maybe we wouldn’t even sit at a bar table, I wouldn’t be able to tell you the whole story and make you understand all the pain and trauma accumulated over these years.
But I know how to recognize my share of blame in everything that happened.

I left, you know?
I’ve allowed a lot of things, I’ve been absolutely passive in a lot of ways, but I’m waking up, I assure you.
I stopped crying to fits and I’ve been attacking back, even if it hurts me, even if it pierces my heart and makes me small.
Still, I’ve made it.

But there are days when everything hurts and, even so, no one can understand, hug me, reach out to me and, most importantly, say:
– Hey, I’ll put your shoes on.
I fight every day to stay alive, to fight and deal with those who can’t understand me, putting a smile on my face, before I go crazy.

I have love to give,
Pains to heal,
Life to live.

It still has life.
I’ve never lived it out of sheer fear.

years of fear
years of pain,
Years of trauma.

Still, you can’t feel my feet and understand me.
Not even after all this time,
Not even after so much love and friendship.

Will I ever find someone to take my shoes off,
Soak my feet in those hot waters with lotions and massage,
Remove all calluses from my feet,
And tell me I don’t need to be afraid,
That there will be no judgments?

take off my shoes,
eliminate calluses,
remove the fears,
And don’t ask me questions.

Hug me!

Grazielle Vieira