Psychological tips for dealing with children overly attached to their mothers

How many mothers have heard that the baby is a lot of time when he is around them? And how many times were these same mothers criticized for this type of situation? Well, it turns out that some people don’t understand that the bond between mother and child is very strong. Therefore, it is perfectly normal that excessive attachment behavior often arises. The truth is that there is still a lot to learn about parenting and even the greatest experts know this.

O awesome.club understands the importance of the emotional connection of little ones to mothers. Therefore, it shares some strategies to transform this exaggerated attachment into something more pleasant.

When a baby is born, the most natural thing is for it to feel like it belongs to its mother—physically speaking. In fact, this bond is generated immediately and all children come into the world prepared for it. But this behavior can be a little difficult, as some mothers don’t form a close relationship with their baby immediately after delivery. This does not mean that they are doing something wrong, but that there is a natural adaptation process.

Pediatrician and writer Carlos González, guru of the so-called “positive creation”, mentions in his book Bésame mucho: How to raise your child with love that the child who grows up close to the mother is happier. Therefore, people shouldn’t judge those mothers who love having their children sleeping in their arms, who sing to them or who simply like to spend all their time “licking the calf”. Mothers like this are just strengthening the affective bonds with their babies.

Newborns have their own way of creating emotional bonds that intensify during their development. A baby says “I love you” in a variety of ways, such as when she responds to her mother’s skin contact, stares at someone, follows moving objects with her eyes, mimics facial expressions, or makes a sound.

Children recognize the smell and touch of their mothers and are very receptive to what is happening around them. That is why, when separated from them, they can present anxiety, since they are unable to understand the concept of time or to be autonomous.

González explains that, before the age of 3, children do not relate effectively to people. So the idea that they should go to day care to socialize is just a myth. What is really necessary is for the little ones to relate to everyone: their parents, grandparents and uncles, among others. Socialization implies integration, not isolation. If a baby doesn’t feel safe separating from its mother, there’s nothing to worry about. On the contrary, it means that he has established a good bond with her (which is more than expected) and feels safe with her.

On the other hand, it is perfectly normal for a mother to feel “saturated” or overwhelmed when the baby requires a lot of time and care. Therefore, experts recommend the following:

Stay calm. Moms often have a huge workload, whether at home or at the office (or both), and they need to balance everything without losing their sanity. However, it is important to remember that the need to be with the mother is completely normal and the little one does not act with bad intentions. The more patient the mother is, the calmer the child will be. involve the father or trying to get the baby to spend time with other people. The mother may not even need to leave the child to work, for example. But even in this situation, it can be important to count on the support of others to create a safe environment for the child, even if they are close. Don’t overprotect. It is important for the child to develop security and to be able to do certain activities (according to their age) on their own. Of course, always under adult supervision. Reply with love. Although babies seem to “not understand” words or situations, they actually do. When there is an episode of excessive attachment to the mother, such as crying or crises, it is best for the mother to approach, hug the little one and explain what is happening. She might say that she needs to get out for a bit, but she’ll be back soon. Gradually, the baby will understand the situation and will get used to those moments of separation. No screaming or punishment. It is not correct or coherent to punish a child for needing the mother’s presence.

in your book Create (still not translated into Portuguese), perinatal psychologist Laura Perales dedicated a chapter to the importance of attachment and affection. She ensures that the baby’s brain develops in the best condition when the child is raised with love. According to Laura, hugging, kissing, holding the arms, caressing the hands and feet are situations that produce oxytocin and endorphins associated with pleasure, so that, at the same time, neural connections are reinforced in areas related to thought, language and the intelligence.

There is no magic formula to make a baby less attachment to the mother. And, as we said, he should not, under any circumstances, be forced to do so. Experts suggest taking this process calmly and understanding that it is a phase. At some point, those little hands that urgently reach out for a hug, those little feet moving at full speed behind the mother, or those eyes filled with tears because she walked away will grow and stop demanding her presence. Therefore, it is better to enjoy this phase and feel loved.

Do you consider excessive attachment to the mother something negative? Have you ever been through something similar? What tools did you use to generate a secure attachment in your children? Tell our team in the comments section!