Premature Ejaculation – Emotional background problem

Hello friends!

In the section of our website – Ask a Psychologist – I receive many questions daily. In these more than 3 years I have received hundreds of questions regarding the problem of premature ejaculation. Many of these men had already tried almost everything to solve the problem. Although they always take time to seek help, many of them had already sought help and had heard from the doctor that the problem had an emotional or psychological background.

In this text, I will explain the psychological origin of this premature ejaculation symptom and some tips to overcome this problem.

To be clear, let’s start by defining what premature ejaculation is. Evidently, premature ejaculation is a male problem in which, before penetration or shortly after penetration, ejaculation occurs. In other words, regardless of will, ejaculation occurs before, it happens fast, it happens early. But before what?

Well, if we think about the sexual relationship, we can think that both in the relationship should have pleasure. Right? If the man ejaculates too quickly, this interrupts the relationship, as it would not be possible to continue it.

The questions that arise, then, are:

1) What causes premature ejaculation?

2) What to do to stop premature ejaculation?

Causes of Premature Ejaculation

To summarize the matter, we can think that there are two main causes:

1) Biological cause;

2) Psychological cause.

The first cause, in principle, must be ruled out. That is, it is important that the man has a check-up with his trusted doctor and assesses whether everything is ok in the physical, in the body. The doctor may request some tests, such as hormonal tests or going to a urologist specialist.

However, one way to rule out the biological cause is the frequency with which premature ejaculation appears. If it appears in all relationships or almost all relationships, it is likely that the biological cause is at work. If it occurs sometimes, or with some partners and not others, then the cause is probably psychological.

Evidently, each case is different and that is why we should always recommend going to the doctor and psychologist for an individual assessment.

What does psychological cause of premature ejaculation mean?

Roughly speaking, we can understand a psychological cause as an event caused by the psyche, in other words, by the “soul” and not by the body. Soul may seem like a strange, abstract, or metaphysical concept, but it simply means the inner, subjective thoughts and feelings that cannot be observed by anyone but the individual himself.

So, when we say that premature ejaculation has an emotional background or a psychological cause, we mean that thoughts or feelings before intercourse are affecting sexual performance. It could be that the person was very worried, or anxious, or nervous or fearful before the relationship. And, at the time of the act, instead of feeling and experiencing it, there is a conflict that interferes. On the one hand, the person wants to have the experience and feel pleasure, on the other hand, he fears that it will go wrong or feels anxiety or another feeling.

As I said above, it is always recommended to do an individual assessment to find out the real cause for each one.

Some men will have a normal sex life and, after falling in love, they may start to experience sexual dysfunctions such as premature ejaculation or impotence. Others may start having problems after losing their job or feeling that they are getting old. Each case is different and, in this sense, help should be sought.

How to overcome?

Well, there are many miracle recipes out there to overcome sexual problems. In general, we know that men suffer for years in silence before seeking help. Or else they look for help in the wrong places. Thinking about all the cases I’ve dealt with, and the emails I receive, I would give you 4 tips:

Tip 1)

Forget the idea of ​​performance, of being good in bed, of being a non-existent male ideal. Many men learn what sex is by watching pornographic movies compulsively. The model you see on the screen is totally wrong. First, because it is false in the biological sense. The actors take medication to maintain their erections, the scenes are edited in order to put together several parts of the act as if it were a single one and, most importantly, what is shown is not interesting for the woman.

Tip 2)

There is a book by Osho called Tantra, Spirituality and Sex that is very interesting to make us rethink sexuality and what sexuality is for. Many sexual problems stem from the idea that it is necessary to reach climax and make the other person reach it too. With this, the whole act would only make sense at the end. The idea of ​​tantric sex, according to Osho, is to experience every second in yourself. Instead of aiming for orgasm, a touch, a gesture, a caress, a word, a smell can be as or more pleasurable than the end. And, in a sequence of time that can extend for hours of contact, sexuality is experienced in a different way.

Tip 3)

Search the site Ejaculando com Controle, which gives more tips on how to overcome this difficulty.

Tip 4)

Know your body and your partner’s body. On our video site, we publish the following video – Clitoris, Forbidden Pleasure – Full Documentary

Related