Praise and Criticism: The Rise and Decrease of Behavior

“We can defend ourselves against an attack, but we are defenseless against a compliment” (Freud).

Hello friends!

On our website, we already have several texts about reviews. You don’t have to have a background in psychology to realize that criticism often detracts from behavior. For example, if you love an outfit and someone goes and criticizes you, the tendency is for you to reduce the use of that outfit, although you like it. If more than one person criticizes the same garment, the tendency will be even greater for its use to be discontinued.

Praise, on the other hand, goes in the opposite direction. If someone compliments your clothes, the tendency is for the use to be increased. And, just like the behavior of wearing or not wearing an outfit, other behaviors are directly affected by praise or criticism.

Praise and Criticism: The Rise and Decrease of Behavior

The discussion of free will against determinism or destiny is old, extremely old. Depending on how we look at it, we will see that both points of view hold true, at least in certain situations. That is, of course, you can continue to wear an outfit, even if it has been criticized by everyone (free will), however, we also have to agree that our behaviors are greatly influenced by the environment in which we are inserted.

Take the case of advertisements. We watch an advertisement for a food product on TV one, two, three, dozens of times. Then, when we go to the supermarket, we end up buying the brand advertised. Obviously we can say that the brand is better or has this and that benefit. I mean, it was a choice to choose that brand. However, was this (supposedly free) choice not influenced by what we saw on TV before?

Anyway, this is an endless debate. Returning to our topic of praise and criticism, I find the phrase very interesting:

“We can defend ourselves against an attack, but we are defenseless against a compliment” (Freud).

This means we can train hard and overcome any and all criticism. But when it comes to compliments, it’s even harder. After all, we all love anything that proves our worth. So if someone compliments something we’ve done, we’ll go along with the compliment (although many people with low self-esteem don’t end up accepting compliments either). If we agree with the compliment, we end up being its hostages. And if this is good for maintaining positive behavior, it can be harmful in other cases.

Thus, if parents praise a child for doing his homework, the praise – if accepted – is likely to cause homework behavior to increase or remain stable. But if parents praise their children’s rude behavior, that praise may equally maintain or increase the socially inappropriate behavior.

Therefore, we must have the ability to know how to evaluate. If we buy, for example, something very expensive just for the possibility of being praised by someone else, we will also be stuck with praise, not in our favor. For although praise can have this negative side, it can also be used to our advantage.

self-praise

I have already said in other texts that I learned a technique of Neurolinguistic Programming that is fantastic (and funny). The technique is to pat yourself on the shoulder and say to yourself:

“Very good, 🇧🇷, very good! That’s right!

In that case, I would say:

“Very good, Philip, very good! That’s right!

It’s fun and funny. If it is done, it can help us so that we will not depend on other people’s praise to do what we want to do or what we need to do. Which is incredibly useful for boosting motivation when we’re short.

Even if it seems like a simple and even silly technique, it can certainly help us. For those who are critical (and self-critical!), just remember that what we continue to do has had or still has the influence of praise from other people… to the point where external praise turns into internal praise.

A person who learned to cook first had the praise of those close to him who tasted his food. Then, over time, and with social approval, praise is given from the inside out.

A person who learned to practice a sport very well also experienced a similar process. With praise after praise for what was being done right, in order to reinforce both that specific behavior and the behavior of continuing to play.

Just like someone else who learned to play an instrument, do math in his head, memorize information like telephone numbers, sell, talk to strangers, speak a foreign language… and

Take a moment and think about what you like to do. What do you really like to do? Was the process similar? So, if it was similar, why not skip the external praise and move on to the internal praise – self-praise?

Conclusion

“Very good, Philip, very good! Nice text!

In the end, we don’t always have an explicit compliment. In many situations, praise is implied. That is, maybe we can reach a point where words are not necessary. Just the feeling of accomplishment would be enough for the behavior to be repeated the next time.

However, nothing prevents us from continuing to use the NLP technique. If it’s funny and fun, why not?

Thank you for reading this far “Well done, ____, well done!” Up until.

Questions, suggestions, comments, please write below!